Confessions of a Single Mom

The key to any good story is the beginning; you have to get the reader hooked!  So tonight my title is Confessions of a Single Mom.   It just sounds like something other would like to read.   Not me because it is probably a book that has Fabio on the cover and I do not read those types of books.  This post will be about some confessions that must be made after the last few weeks.  (Again, it really has the reader interested, I hope.)

My first confession is I work too hard, this might not be a news flash to anyone that knows me but there it is anyway.  I need to learn how to relax; I guess I really stink at it.  How do you solve this problem?  I really don’t know.   I just finished Dan Brown’s latest book Inferno and it was about Dante’s book about the 7 deadly sins.  I might be in trouble on a few of them but slothfulness is not one of them.  I would love to sit down and relax for a few days but, I don’t know how.   I guess my next goal will have to be learning how to relax. 

My second confession is I love my friends.  It has been hard for me this summer as I have had to say good-bye to some of my closest friends.  I am different from a lot of people that grew up in Utah because my closest friends are not Mormons.  Shocking!  I know, now if you lived in Utah this might be a problem for some people, not all but there are some “Utah Mormons” that would not like this at all!  I have been blessed to have people from different faiths come into my life and remind me why faith is an important aspect in people’s lives. 

My third confession is sometimes I worry about the little things and let them consume me.  I have some huge fears in my life, they are not real to anyone else but to me they are life and death.  This week I took huge steps in conquering those fears.  No, I am not going to skydive because standing on a chair is about as high as I want to go up in the air. However, those fears are real and for me to even attempt conquering those are huge.  The biggest problem when conquering your fears is you might have to really deal with them.  I have opened Pandora ’s Box and now I have to be ready to deal with the outcome. This is very scary for me.

My fourth confession is being a mom is the greatest job in the world.  It is hard and some days I really stink at it.  Not just kind of stink at it but really stink.  Father’s Day is tough on me because it is another day to remind me of what I do not have.  This Father’s Day I thought long and hard about if I had made different choices many years ago, I might not be the mom to three wonderful kids.  What a blessing it is to be a mom.  My bucket list only has only ever included three things and this has always been on top. 

My last confession was something I heard today.  “Treat everyone kindly and with respect.  Pull a Sherry!”  I had someone pass away that I knew this week.  She was a wonderful teacher, counselor, and mentor to those around her.  Today her children spoke about how wonderful their mother was.  She always looked for the good in everyone.  I used to do that, now part of me is jaded by life that I do not do that as freely as I should.  That is hard to type or even say out loud because I was not raised to be that way.  I was raised to be kind to everyone.   I hope that I can work on this so that my kids learn this principle from me. 

These might not seem like juicy confessions but remember I am “G” rated. 

My Life as a Movie Rating

I wanted to write on Memorial Day weekend, but what I wanted to say was not Memorial Day weekend appropriate.  If you live in Lake Havasu there is a misconception that Memorial Day weekend is a time to go to the lake and earn beads. I am not saying that Lake Havasu doesn’t have those that know what the holiday is for, but we live in a tourist town that needs money and big holiday weekends are the times to make the money. 

The other day I was talking to Tyler and as a film major he explained that if I was a film rating I would be rated G.  I thought about that long and hard.  I know that it is probably true; I am a rated G movie.  The problem I have with that is that my idea of a G rated movie.  I think if I took a poll of what movies do you think of when you think of G rated movies the Disney Princess movies would come to mind.  I have nothing against princess movies, but this is where my life does not reflect that idea. 

I first think of Snow White, she lives with seven small men and cooks and cleans.  I don’t have any small male roommates and the cooking thing does not work for me.  Then, I thought of Sleeping Beauty, well I think we can all see the problems in this movie, the sleeping alone is an issue for me.  I then think of Cinderella, well I do think I am more like her locked up in the top tower only coming out to work but even that will not work.  I do not live in a large house with a tower.  The closest princess I could come up with for my life is Mulan.

Why Mulan you might ask, well here are my ideas.  First, Mulan knows the importance of tradition.   When the movie opens you see her worrying about how to make her parents happy.  She is worried that she will not impress the matchmaker and bring disgrace to her family.  I do understand that!  I am a woman of tradition.  I believe that there are traditional roles for men and women.  Then Mulan realizes what she must do to save her family.  She must go against what she believes in and more importantly what tradition dictates her to do.  Mulan goes against what she has been taught not to hurt anyone but to save her family. 

In two years I have had to give up a lot of my traditional thinking.  This does not mean I have given up my traditions, but just my thinking.  I still believe that people should be married.  I think that there are men and women jobs.  I can lift heavy boxes, but I do not feel like that is my job.  I feel like my job is to cook and clean (I know I stink at cooking) but it is my job.  While I might be a G rated movie, I am not a princess that needs to be saved.  I would love to have a handsome prince ride up on his white horse and save me especially if he was wearing a cowboy hat.  However, right now I am happy learning to take care of myself and my kids.  However, if you know a prince send him my way. 

Christmas

It is Christmas Eve, which means there are some people going to the mall getting their last minute gifts, cookies are getting baked for Santa, hams and turkeys are getting thawed all for tomorrow.  While I will be doing a few of these things today I want to write about tonight and tomorrow.  We have been blessed to go our friends the Murray’s for the last (well it has been many years) years for Christmas Eve.  We have homemade pizza, salad, and all sorts of treats.  We watch A Christmas Story, and all laugh when we hear the line, “I triple dog dare you.”  Christmas Eve at Mike and Kathy’s is a special night.  That night we are part of their family.  It is one of my favorite parts of Christmas.  

Today while you are getting your last minute stuff done, I hope you have time to think about the real meaning of Christmas.  Can you imagine what it was like for Mary to get a visit from an angel saying that she was going to give birth to the Son of God?  She was Handmaiden of the Lord.  Wow, what a responsibility she was given, all mothers are given children of God, but this was the Son of God.  I do not want to know what it was like on the journey to Bethlehem.  I have rode horses and that is not the most comfortable ride ever but that was for a short time.  I cannot imagine being ready to give birth making that trip. 

Then I think of Joseph, he did not have to marry Mary.  He could have walked away, but he did not.  He is a great example to many fathers of what their potential is.  One of my favorite Christmas albums is called The Forgotten Carols.  A song is written from Joseph’s perspective.  In it one of the lines is, “I was not his father He was mine.”  What a good dad to bring up this little boy, loving him and taking care of him. 

The innkeeper always seems to get a bad rap in the story.  It was not his fault the inn was full.  People had come from all over the country to pay their taxes.  He felt bad for the couple and that is why he let them use the stable.  I am sure that if he knew who was going to be born that night he would have put them up in a better place.  However, remember from prophecies about the birth we now that he was going to be meek and mild.  Then born in a stable is perfect for that.  The innkeeper did the best he could. 

I think of the sheppards watching their flocks by night seeing the new star.  Following what the angels had told them to do.  Worshiping the newborn King, can you imagine what it was like?  Here was this new baby perfect like we want our children to be and He was the Savior of the world.  What it must have been like to see those heavenly hosts?  To see angels singing praising to the newborn King. 

Then the wisemen bring their gifts.  They knew who He was; they knew He was the King!  They had read the prophecies of old and new there would be a new star that they followed.  They also knew that Herod would kill the King because he was worried that his kingdom would be taken over.  Little did Herod know that his kingdom was not in any jeopardy? 

So sometime during the next few days I hope that you are all able to read in Luke 2 about the birth of the Savior of the World.  What a loving Father in Heaven we have to give the world His only Begotten Son.  Tonight is the holiest of all nights.  May we all remember the real reason for Christmas, I hope that each of you get those blessing you stand in need of and even those you do not feel like you deserve.  I know that I am blessed to have three beautiful children that I love more than anything.  My goal is to be as good as mother as I can.  I hope that I will be a little like Mary, because she is my hero when it comes to being a mom. 

Joy in the Journey

I wanted to write this post last week but, things came up and it was not done.   On Friday, I thought this was something I needed to write as soon as I could.   We live in very tough times.  As Christians, we know the signs of the times.  We know that Christ will come again to Earth; we have read the Bible and know what the outcome is on this Earth.  We know that no matter what happens the ending score will be that Christ will win and Satan will lose.  Even with us knowing the final score this life it tough!  It is not always easy and sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees. 

Friday, was a day that when parents came to pick up their kids more hugs and kisses were shown than on any other day.  This is not surprising; when I found out; I went over and turned off my computer at school.  I did not a student clicking on something and the news coming up.  This was a horrible event and I will not politicize what those parents, teachers, and more importantly students had to witness.  I know for me I thought, I am so glad I can hug my kids, I am glad my children are not afraid to go to school, and I said a little prayer for those parents that had to deal with what will be their own personal hell.   

With that said, we cannot focus on the negative; we need to find the joy in the journey.  This is tough but we need to do it.  Why, you might ask?  This life is short, if you have little children and are in the middle of diaper changes, bottle feeding, getting kids in and out of car seats you might think I am never going to get out of the “terrible 2 stage.”  This is stage is long stage in life, I do not want you to think that I have forgotten what that was like, but before you know it your baby will be voting for president.  The time when you have teenagers is a very long stage, but they are closer to the age when they can give you grandchildren and you can just smile when they talk to you about their teenager.  (For me it is at least 10 more years) 

How do we find the joy in the journey?  I think this is a day-by-day issue; sometimes it is hard to find any joy in our life.  This is normal, when you are going through the depths of hell in a trial we might not be able to even see if we are in a tunnel let alone see the light.  Last year, I had a wonderful friend give me some advice, he has probably forgotten what he said to me but I did not.  He said, “Soon you will be at the top of the mountain and think, Wow!  I did that! “  Now on my journey up the mountain there have been times when I have not been tied down to well and have fallen several feet, but getting up and trying to get to the top is something I have tried to do. 

This Christmas Season I have been blessed to see the joy in one of my favorite scriptures, in Matthew 25: 34-46, Christ is sharing the parable of the goats and the sheep.  In verse 40 it says, “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. “  How blessed I have been as people are willing to help clothe, feed, and make sure my family is safe. 

It is hard being the “least of these.”  However, as I am able to have a car that runs, thank you Mom and Dad Froenk.  Yesterday when I was able to get long pants for the girls for school, shoes for kids and groceries for a nice Christmas dinner, I thought of the times when I was able to help.   Getting the help is not the easy part; it is the giving of the help.  However, I am grateful for the help that I received.  Donating to people less fortunate at this time of year is easy for most of us.  We have the Christmas spirit and we want our children to know what it is like to help others.  To those that have helped I cannot thank you enough.  You will be blessed now and in the future for your help.  To those that have to receive this year, try to find the joy in the journey then pay it forward through your deeds both great and small.

With that said, I would like to end by letting you know that I know that Jesus is the Savior of the World.  These next 9 days as you finish your shopping, make cookies for Santa, get your houses ready, take time to read the story of the birth of Christ in Luke.  Talk to your children and help them remember why we even celebrate this time of year.  Thank you again to all of those that have helped my little family in the past and will in the future.  The blessing I have received overwhelms me and I hope one day I will be deserving of every one of them. 

 

 

Thankful Hearts

Thankfulness

Many of my friends are writing the 30 days of Thanksgiving on Facebook. I thought I would write mine in a blog. Here are a few things I am thankful for.

I am thankful for many things in my life but nothing more than my children. I love them all very much. I think as Christians when we are asked to have “the pure love of Christ” you do not know what that is until you are a parent. I still do not think we have the whole picture, but as parents, we do love our kids no matter what.

I am thankful for my dad that taught me the importance of working. One of the neatest memories I have of my Grandpa Philpot is of his funeral. All of his boys got up and talked about how their dad taught them to work. My dad taught us the same thing, I have never been so happy to know how putting in a good days work in can pay off.

I am thankful for my mom that taught me how to serve others. My mother and her sister Judy donate scarves for elementary students to a local school in the Salt Lake Valley. They also spend all year, making bags for soldiers serving overseas. In these bags, they add items that these brave men and women need. Serving other has always been something important to my mom and I am thankful that she taught me that.

I am thankful for my siblings and my nieces and nephews. There were many of us that were not really close to our siblings growing up but the older we get the more important we find that relationship. I love my big family and I know they love me. My nieces and nephews know I am not the coolest aunt but they love their Aunt Flo anyways.

I am thankful for my education; I would be in a world of hurt if I had not been able to get my degree. It has been a blessing to be able to provide for my kids. I am not the best provider but they do have a roof over their heads and food for their bellies.

I am thankful for the Savior of the world. There has never been a more important gift given to any man than the Atonement of Christ. This gift from our Father in Heaven has been blessed me more than anything else in my life. What a wonderful blessing to know that He is the Savior of the world and that He suffered all for me.

I am thankful for prayer. I am thankful for the opportunity to talk to my Father in Heaven. What a blessing it is to be able to talk to God and then receive answers to questions posed. One of the blessings we have of having a loving Father in Heaven.
I am thankful for my heritage. My family has been in the United States for over 200 years. I know I am blessed to live in the greatest country on Earth. I live in US where I am able to practice the religion I love, I can work as a single mom, and I am able to vote.

I am thankful for the opportunity to vote. In some countries, they vote, but they might only have one person on the ballot. What a blessing and a privilege it is to be able to vote for those people I think would represent my family the best.

I am thankful for the opportunity to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This has been a pioneer heritage I am proud to have. I am blessed that I am able to attend church on Sundays and teach my children what I believe and about their heritage.

I am thankful for being able to go to the temple. I love being able to go to the temple and feel the Holy Spirit. No matter what has happened in my life, being sealed to my children has been one of the greatest blessings I have had in this lifetime and the next.

I am thankful for my own Red Sea miracles. I have had many trials in my life that people are glad they do not have. However, throughout those trials my own little Red Sea has been divided. There are people that might not find them as miracles but to me I know it is the love of my Father in Heaven trying to protect me as much as he could during those times.

I am thankful for my migraines, I know that seem something to not be thankful for. I know that might seem odd, but on the days, I do not have a migraine I know what living without pain feels like it. If you have ever had one you know, days without them are great!

I am thankful for friends. No one in the world has the friends that I have. They have been more important in my life than ever before. There are days that I wish I could pick up and leave Lake Havasu, but I know my support system here is better than it is in other places. I do not want to move and leave all of them. Some of them give me more than others, but I know they would all give me the shirt off their back if they needed to.

I am thankful for Facebook. Yes, I said it. What a great tool to keep in touch with old friends and distant family. I love that I am able to find out what my cousins, aunts, uncles, and old friends are doing. It is nice to see when someone writes something on your wall. I have cousins literally all over the world and it is great seeing what is happening in Korea.

I am thankful for a house to live in. I needed a place to live and one became available. It was a miracle and it keeps my children and I safe. It also helps one of my bestest friends ever. (Yes, I know bestest is not a word)

I am thankful for the scriptures. How many including myself take this gift for granted? We are able to read the word of God. It starts from the creation and moves throughout olden day prophets. We find out what it was like for those apostles that Jesus himself called and left in charge of his church. We learn about the flood, Daniel and the importance of praying, and the story of Ester standing up to the king. WOW! The bible is a wonderful book.

I am thankful for pioneer journals; I am able to read what my ancestors wrote, how they felt, and what their days were like. What a blessing that is, to know that some of the women in my family suffered what I am feeling right now.

I am thankful for modern day prophets. This is where I differ from other of my Christians, but I am so happy to know that President Thomas S. Monson talks to God and receives inspiration for the entire world. How lucky I am to know that there is a prophet on Earth today.

I am thankful for modern technology. I love writing in my blog and then I can share what I have written with the world. I also love that what I might say might help someone else. I hope that I do impact those around me for good.

I am thankful for grandparents. If you have known me a long time you know that I think the grandparent grandchild relationship is super important. I loved my Grandma Philpot more than any person on Earth growing up, I know that was hard on my parents but I did. Grandma had a way of making me feel safe when no one else could. She helped me to know that I was special and I mattered to others. There is not a day the last few years where I wish I could go see my Grandma and just give her a big hug. I knew she would hug me back and then say, “Oh, Hell Florence, get up and take care of those kids.” I am sure she says that now every day.

I am thankful for restful evenings. I do not have many of them but I am thankful for those that I do get.

I am thankful for baseball! I love baseball but more importantly, I am thankful for the friends I have at the ballpark. I love the Bagshaw family so much and I am so happy to be included in their family.

I am thankful for lost love. I have learned more about myself in two years than I have the other 40 on Earth. If I had not lost Jason, I would not have known I was a strong woman. I am tough and I have been able to hold my head high. Some days I can hold it higher but I am strong. I am woman hear me roar!

I am thankful for my phone. I love being able to talk to those people in my life I need to. I love that if my niece needs help on her homework she can call. I love that people in my life that know I need to hear from them know they can call me and help me that day.

I am thankful for the internet. What a blessing that has been to help people find their genealogy, answer questions that students might answer, and learning anything you might need to do through you tube. I might be the only one that has looked up putting ribbons in the YW personal progress bookmark.

I am thankful for books, I love that sometimes when I need to I can escape from reality I can read about a new place. I would love to be able to visit some of those places. I am grateful that I had teachers and parents that taught me to read. I would be lost if I could not read.

I am thankful for food and some of the basic things I can cook. I am not a great cook and I cannot bake but I am thankful for what I can cook. The blue box of Mac and Cheese is an awesome dinner.

I am thankful for music. There is no other thing that I think can help you change your mood. When we need to be happy, we can listen to upbeat music. When we need to be in a more spiritual, we can listen to gospel music. I am thankful that I can hear those songs.

I am thankful for blessings that are numerous. Sometimes we need more than a month to be thankful for things. Yes, it is important to be thankful but I hope that most of us are thankful for things throughout the year not just in November.

A Love Letter to My Daughter

I have had a few people ask for my talk for Katie's Young Woman Recognitionhood award. Here it is.

Dear Katie,

You are a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father, prepared to come to the earth at this particular time for a sacred and glorious purpose. You have a noble responsibility to use your strength and influence for good. Your loving Heavenly Father has blessed you with talents and abilities that will help you fulfill your divine mission. As you learn to accept and act upon the Young Women values in your life, you will form personal habits of prayer, scripture study, obedience to the commandments, and service to others. These daily personal habits will strengthen your faith in and testimony of Jesus Christ. They will also allow you to recognize and develop your unique gifts. This is quote from the front of your Personal Progress book.

Katie, I am so proud of you. You have accomplished something that not all young women do. I am happy that you have made personal progress such an important part of your life. You are an example to the other girls in your ward. Katie you are a beautiful young women and you will go far in your life.
Katie you have been born in a time that is very troubling. When I was growing up there were no cell phones, the internet was something that wasn’t invented, and all of my friends were members of the church. It was a different time. You are one of the chosen few to come to earth at this time. This means that you will be tested to prove yourself worthy to live with your Father in Heaven again.

I thought I would focus on the young women values in this talk and how you have learned from these goals and what you can learn in the future.

Faith: Faith is not a perfect knowledge it is a hope or desire to know something. You might not have a perfect testimony of all of the gospel principles right now but with increasing faith and prayer you will. Think about how much your testimony has changed in four years since you started young women. You do have a testimony of the Savior and His role on Earth and with increased scripture study and prayer it will grow. Remember you have to work on your testimony.

Divine Nature: Divine Nature is knowing that you came from a Father in Heaven. There are so many people in this world that don’t even know they have a Father in Heaven and you know this and that he is the Father of your spirit. Remember that you not only have a Father in Heaven but parents here on earth that love you. I don’t know what my life would be like if you were not in our family. You are an example of your Divine Nature to those friends you have that don’t know where they came from.
Individual Worth: I think this is one of the most important values. You are an individual and unique, you are not like the other girls. You have had trials that most of the young women won’t ever have to go through. Your Heavenly Father loves you for who you are! He knows Katie Fallis and He wants you to accomplish what you set out to accomplish. Remember that you are different and stand out in a good way. Be an example to others and make sure that they know what you stand for.

Knowledge: This is so important to gain knowledge. You need learn some worldly things and also gain knowledge of the spirit. By learning how the spirit speaks to you, you can gain further knowledge from our Father in Heaven. You also need to gain knowledge when it comes to school. Continue to learn and grow. Finishing high school is just the beginning, you need to go to college and get that degree.

Choice and Accountability: This is my favorite value because I think it is easy to see how it works. This is like in science when Mrs. Chava is trying to explain what happens when you do certain things. If you drop a raw egg off a building it will break. That is what is going to happen. Just like in nature Heavenly Father gives us choices and when we chose the right we will receive blessings, when we make poor choices we will be given consequences. Now, this does not mean the blessing we get will be immediate; sometimes they will take years to receive. This also doesn’t mean that when we make a wrong choice we cannot go back and repent and fix the problem. We have been blessed with the atonement in our life and we can be forgiven and our sins will be there no more. What a wonderful gift our Father in Heaven has given to us.

Good Works: Good Works doesn’t have to be anything big. It can be a simple act of service. It can be helping around the house, taking Noelle or Tyler where they need to go. It can be big things but it doesn’t have to be. Remember that when we do things for others we will be forget our own problems. Think of the Mary at the nursing home and what an impact she had in her life when your life felt like it was crashing down. Her sharing her life story made your life seem not so bad. Remember sometimes giving someone a smile makes their whole day.

Integrity: When I was growing up I knew this was important, but as I have gotten older this has become a value that means more to me. Think of President George Albert Smith having a dream about his Grandpa and in the dream the grandpa asked him what he had done with his name. The young George Albert Smith replied, “ I have never done anything with your name of which you need to be ashamed.” Integrity is your personal promise or word. Protect your name and what it stands for.

Virtue: Katie keep yourself clean in the eyes of your Father in Heaven. Show virtue by doing what you need to do. The value experience for virtue is reading the Book of Mormon. Read it many times in your life. It will mean different things each time you read it. There might be verses in it that you might not know are there the first few times you read it. You will get closer to your Heavenly Father by reading the Book of Mormon than any other book. There is no question why this is the value project for this value. Be like the 2000 Stippling Warriors!

Now that I have your attention I would like to give you some advice from your mother. Before you roll your eyes listen. First, keep yourself worthy to go to the temple. Your life will be blessed if you get married in the temple. This doesn’t mean you won’t have trials, but there has never been a time I was disappointed knowing that if I live worthy and you kids do too that we will be an eternal family. Second, go to college and get your degree! That piece of paper might be very expensive but again what a blessing my degree has been in my life. Third, remember that you can help others and be a good example to others. Fourth and most importantly remember to say your prayers and read your scriptures daily. Talking to your Father in Heaven is important. Don’t just call on Him when you need a life boat, call on Him all the time. You will be blessed if you have a good relationship with him. You can receive personal revelation through him. You need to know you can always count on Him.

I love you more than you will ever know, or at least until you become a mother. You have blessed my life and the lives of those people around you. Thank you for being an example to your younger sister, your female cousins, and to the rest of the young women you know in accomplishing this goal.

Love,
Mom

Patriot Day

Today is Patriot Day, and I felt like I should write something on this somber yet holy day. Yes, I do think it is a holy day. Why you might ask, well because any day that people lose their lives saving other people I think is holy. On September 11, 2001, we saw normal everyday American’s become heroes. Yes, men and women like firefighters, police officers, and other emergency workers are everyday heroes and they lost more of their own that day. I also think of the heroes on flight 93 that when into the Pennsylvania field, who knows how many lives those men and women saved. What about those brave men and women that helped others that were hurt that day, there were heroes also.

That day changed the way I thought of our country. I remember praying next to my bed in tears hoping that my family would be safe. I think most of us prayed that they would find people alive in the wreckage. We came together as a nation that day and the days that followed. I assume that must have been what it was like on December 7, 1941 and the days after that. We were all American’s that day and the days that followed. There were no Democrats or Republicans there was unity. We stood in line giving blood, went to churches, hugged our children a little longer that night, but most of all we wept in shock and fear of what had happened.

I can remember that day like it was yesterday, I wept today as I re-watched the news footage of that terrible day. I hope and pray that all American’s can come together on this day and remember why our country is the greatest nation on Earth. We are a blessed to live in this nation. I pray that as we go to bed tonight we take time to remember those who were lost.