Rules for Dating My Daughter and Myself

I am in an odd place in my life right now.  I have a daughter that is old enough to date and I am a single mom.  .   As I have been on a few dates, I thought I would write the rules of dating not only my daughter but also myself.  The rules however, are not much different from when I was a teenager.  Growing up my dad had a few rules and I have added on to some of them.   I have noticed more since I have been single that some boys are only interested when it is convenient for them;  this is normal but, my daughter and I are both smart, funny, good-looking girls that need to be treated for the princesses/queens, we are. 

Rules for dating either of us. 

1.        You must make a phone call.  I know in the age of texting it seems okay to do that, however a phone call is the way to go.  If you cannot spend the few minutes to ask my daughter or myself out why should we go? 

2.       You must come to the front door.   I know that cars have horns, but I will not let my daughter go out to someone that is not kind enough to walk to her door.  In addition, I am worth a few steps to come up to the front door.  I need to show my daughter that I am worth those steps just as she is.

3.       You need to be on time.  If you have arranged to pick either of us up at seven o’clock, you need to be here by seven o’clock not half past seven.  If you are going to be late, please call and let us know.  I like my daughter promise to be ready at the arranged time. 

4.       You must treat us how you want your sister, aunt, grandmother, or mother to be treated.   This in old people talk means that you must buy the cow before you get the milk.  You may not check out what is underneath the hood until the car is purchased, no test drives allowed. 

Now the following rules are just for dating my daughter.

1.          You must meet the parent.  When you come up to do the door, you must meet her grandparents or myself.  This is not optional it is a rule.

2.        If you ask her out, she needs to be the most important person that night.  If anyone text you do not answer it, unless of course it is your mother. 

Now rules for dating me. 

1.       You must have a job or steady income.  I work two jobs equaling out 55 hours a week outside the home.  This is not counting the hours of grading papers and lesson plans that need to be done.  I am not looking for another mouth to feed.  I have three of those plus myself already; I need someone that will lighten my burdens.  I am not looking for anyone to take care of my kids or me; I have been able to do that for almost 3 years now. 

2.       You must take a shower!  This does not mean you took one a week ago, it means before you picked me up that you could at least spend a few minutes in the bathroom to make sure you smell clean.   It is gross if you smell so bad that someone tears up.  Now, some of you are laughing but I have been on a date that included crying during Captain America, not because the movie was sad, it was because of the smell of the person next to me.

3.       Please do not laugh, but this important and I am a little embarrassed this has to be on my list.  You must keep your teeth in during the date.   I hope that I am not the only woman alive that thinks taking your teeth out is a turn off.   If you have to take them out, please find someone a little older to take out.  I am not your girl. 

These rules are simple and should not be hard to follow.  However, if you break them then dating two incredibly wonderful women is not going to work for you.  I hope if anything I have taught my daughters that you get to be number one in someone’s eyes.  If not, they are not worth your time.  Dating is a time to decide rather two people will work out and I understand that, but I want my girls to find someone that will treat them the princesses they are.   This goes for me also; I do not have to play a secondary role to others.  I am worth a whole lot more that some people think, I am that diamond in the rough. 

Pioneers

I have wanted to write for a few weeks but nothing was coming to me.  Today I was thinking about my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and other ancestors.  For those that do not live in Utah it is Pioneer Day, that is the day that Brigham Young made it to the Salt Lake Valley and said, “This is the place.”   To others and myself this day is a huge part of our history.  My family was one of the first members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  My ancestors walked across the plains to find a place where the outside world would leave them alone.  

The lost their homes when mobs came in and burned their homes down and caused them to move from Ohio, Missouri, and then Illinois.   The mothers holding their babies as they walked across the frozen tundra without shoes leaving a trail of blood in their wake.  Fathers clinging to their wives and families hoping that this next move would be their last.  Not much is said in American History about the “Mormons” until the time of the Mormon Trail, but this is my history. 

I am proud of my ancestry.  I have been blessed to grow up hearing stories about those brave men and women who died, buried children, and crossed the plains all in the name of freedom of religion.  I have not once blamed others for our loss but instead hoped that I can live up to my heritage.  What did this heritage teach me?   Why is it important to know your ancestors stories?

What I learned from my ancestors is that I can accomplish anything.  I am positive when my family first left Kirtland, Independence, and lastly Nauvoo, they were scared about the great unknown, but they went.  They went in faith because they knew their cause was just.  Those ancestors knew that they would be blessed because they were on an errand of the Lord’s.  No matter what they followed what they believed in.  They taught their children to pray, fast, and read the scriptures.  Parents wanted a better life for their children were willing to do walk over 2,000 miles for it.  Is this any different than what I want?  No, I want the same thing. 

So why is it important to know the stories?  We all have a story to share.   We all want to know about our grandparents what they went through.  As someone how loves history it is important to know what they did.  I found a picture today that might be a ship my grandfather was on in World War II.  This is a huge find because it is part of my history.  Men and women that followed in faith is my story.  My story is one of great ancestors. 

I won’t lose a home because of what I believe in, I won’t have to walk 2,000 miles to find peace for what I believe in, and I won’t have to bury my kids because of the that same fact also.  I live in a time where I am not persecuted for what I believe in.   I might have to answer questions and explain my faith, but I am happy to.  I love my heritage; I am blessed beyond belief because of it.  Thank you to my family that came before me.  Thank you to those who taught their children to work hard and follow what their believe in. 

Gordon B. Hinckley said this, “Those 19^th century pioneers to whom we pay a special tribute never set out to be heroes, and yet the accomplished heroic things.  This is what makes them Saints.  They were a band of believers who tried to do the right thing for the right reasons, ordinary men and women who were called on to perform and extraordinary work.  Although our journeys today are less demanding physically, than the trek of our pioneers 166 years ago, they are no less challenging.  Certainly it was hard to walk across the continent to establish a new home in a dry western desert.  But who can say it that was any more difficult than the task of living faithful, righteous lives in today’s confusing sinful world, where the trial is constantly shifting and where divine markers of right and wrong are being replaced by political expediency and diminishing morality.  The road we travel today is treacherous, but our reward will be the same as that which awaits worthy pioneers of all ages who live faithfully the teachings of Jesus Christ.”

We live in a world where doing the right thing is not always easy just like that trek.  However, just like then we have to stand up for what is right.   We will always be blessed if we do what is right!   So while our journey might be different than those that came before us we are still required to do what is right.  It might not be in fashion, it is certainly not cool, but right is always right!  Let’s be pioneers in our times for standing up for what is right!

Confessions of a Single Mom

The key to any good story is the beginning; you have to get the reader hooked!  So tonight my title is Confessions of a Single Mom.   It just sounds like something other would like to read.   Not me because it is probably a book that has Fabio on the cover and I do not read those types of books.  This post will be about some confessions that must be made after the last few weeks.  (Again, it really has the reader interested, I hope.)

My first confession is I work too hard, this might not be a news flash to anyone that knows me but there it is anyway.  I need to learn how to relax; I guess I really stink at it.  How do you solve this problem?  I really don’t know.   I just finished Dan Brown’s latest book Inferno and it was about Dante’s book about the 7 deadly sins.  I might be in trouble on a few of them but slothfulness is not one of them.  I would love to sit down and relax for a few days but, I don’t know how.   I guess my next goal will have to be learning how to relax. 

My second confession is I love my friends.  It has been hard for me this summer as I have had to say good-bye to some of my closest friends.  I am different from a lot of people that grew up in Utah because my closest friends are not Mormons.  Shocking!  I know, now if you lived in Utah this might be a problem for some people, not all but there are some “Utah Mormons” that would not like this at all!  I have been blessed to have people from different faiths come into my life and remind me why faith is an important aspect in people’s lives. 

My third confession is sometimes I worry about the little things and let them consume me.  I have some huge fears in my life, they are not real to anyone else but to me they are life and death.  This week I took huge steps in conquering those fears.  No, I am not going to skydive because standing on a chair is about as high as I want to go up in the air. However, those fears are real and for me to even attempt conquering those are huge.  The biggest problem when conquering your fears is you might have to really deal with them.  I have opened Pandora ’s Box and now I have to be ready to deal with the outcome. This is very scary for me.

My fourth confession is being a mom is the greatest job in the world.  It is hard and some days I really stink at it.  Not just kind of stink at it but really stink.  Father’s Day is tough on me because it is another day to remind me of what I do not have.  This Father’s Day I thought long and hard about if I had made different choices many years ago, I might not be the mom to three wonderful kids.  What a blessing it is to be a mom.  My bucket list only has only ever included three things and this has always been on top. 

My last confession was something I heard today.  “Treat everyone kindly and with respect.  Pull a Sherry!”  I had someone pass away that I knew this week.  She was a wonderful teacher, counselor, and mentor to those around her.  Today her children spoke about how wonderful their mother was.  She always looked for the good in everyone.  I used to do that, now part of me is jaded by life that I do not do that as freely as I should.  That is hard to type or even say out loud because I was not raised to be that way.  I was raised to be kind to everyone.   I hope that I can work on this so that my kids learn this principle from me. 

These might not seem like juicy confessions but remember I am “G” rated. 

My Life as a Movie Rating

I wanted to write on Memorial Day weekend, but what I wanted to say was not Memorial Day weekend appropriate.  If you live in Lake Havasu there is a misconception that Memorial Day weekend is a time to go to the lake and earn beads. I am not saying that Lake Havasu doesn’t have those that know what the holiday is for, but we live in a tourist town that needs money and big holiday weekends are the times to make the money. 

The other day I was talking to Tyler and as a film major he explained that if I was a film rating I would be rated G.  I thought about that long and hard.  I know that it is probably true; I am a rated G movie.  The problem I have with that is that my idea of a G rated movie.  I think if I took a poll of what movies do you think of when you think of G rated movies the Disney Princess movies would come to mind.  I have nothing against princess movies, but this is where my life does not reflect that idea. 

I first think of Snow White, she lives with seven small men and cooks and cleans.  I don’t have any small male roommates and the cooking thing does not work for me.  Then, I thought of Sleeping Beauty, well I think we can all see the problems in this movie, the sleeping alone is an issue for me.  I then think of Cinderella, well I do think I am more like her locked up in the top tower only coming out to work but even that will not work.  I do not live in a large house with a tower.  The closest princess I could come up with for my life is Mulan.

Why Mulan you might ask, well here are my ideas.  First, Mulan knows the importance of tradition.   When the movie opens you see her worrying about how to make her parents happy.  She is worried that she will not impress the matchmaker and bring disgrace to her family.  I do understand that!  I am a woman of tradition.  I believe that there are traditional roles for men and women.  Then Mulan realizes what she must do to save her family.  She must go against what she believes in and more importantly what tradition dictates her to do.  Mulan goes against what she has been taught not to hurt anyone but to save her family. 

In two years I have had to give up a lot of my traditional thinking.  This does not mean I have given up my traditions, but just my thinking.  I still believe that people should be married.  I think that there are men and women jobs.  I can lift heavy boxes, but I do not feel like that is my job.  I feel like my job is to cook and clean (I know I stink at cooking) but it is my job.  While I might be a G rated movie, I am not a princess that needs to be saved.  I would love to have a handsome prince ride up on his white horse and save me especially if he was wearing a cowboy hat.  However, right now I am happy learning to take care of myself and my kids.  However, if you know a prince send him my way.