It has been a few days since Thursday. I can honestly glad to have that day behind me. Things are back to normal and life goes on. What I mean by that is laundry, grocery shopping, visits to the library, and going to Wal Mart mean your life is normal. Nothing has changed. I am grateful to family and friends who have helped. I am blessed to have you in my life.
On a post script my sisters (yes more than one of you) wanted me to clarify the abuser that I mentioned. This abuse happened at the hands of someone that is not related to me at all. I have been blessed to have good men in my family that have been taught to protect women not hurt them.
Well it is Saturday of a three day weekend which means that I get to enjoy a nap. Thank you for your feedback. Enjoy this weekend. Please take time to remember those who died fighting for our great nation. We in Havasu will hope to not see too many pasties and speedos:)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
A New Day
Well tomorrow is D-day, no I am not speaking of Normandy. Tomorrow my divorce will be final. I am now taking ownership of this because I have to. I have thought a lot about tomorrow the last few weeks. I do not know how I am going to feel or even what emotions I should have. I am sad and heartbroken, not because of the divorce but because I could not make my marriage work. You see I am a product of a divorce home and that means my chances of getting a divorce were higher than others. Now my children are going to be in that statistic.
One thing I can say for sure is that my kids are not handling this as bad as I did. When my parent got divorced, I was in fifth grade. I went from a seventh grade reading level to a second grade in a matter of months. Most of my children's friend's parents have no idea because they are acting the same. Their grades have not slipped and they have stayed on the straight and narrow. I have given them more leeway but they have not taken advantage.
There has also been peace and healing at home. We (the kids and I) have come together making our family stronger. This has not been easy, but my loving Bishop asked me to share with them why the divorce was happening. This was tough because it meant looking back into my past that I have tried to stay hidden from my children. When abuse happens of any kind as the victim, you have two choices. The first choice is you can use it as an excuse to hurt other people. The second choice is to move on and remember the Golden Rule. When it comes to abuse, I tried to move forward but it is not always easy. This is not to say that Jason was the abuser. I want to be clear on that! Nevertheless, it did affect our marriage.
These last few months I have learned a few things. Number one, the world does not stop spinning because you are knocked off your axis. I was stunned in February when people were still happy. I could not understand why my world was ending and others had everything they wanted. Number two, a smile goes along way. The comment I have received the most has been, "Flo, I had no idea. Whenever I saw you, you had a smile on." Trust me the smile was not working on the inside but I needed to smile for my own kids and for those parents whose kids I have during the day. Third, the devil is in the details. The small stuff usually breaks the camel's back. Fourth, it is okay to laugh! The day I had to go sign for the papers at the post office was difficult. I did not want to sign for them but when I got in the car, I noticed the postage. It was $6.66, I am not kidding so instead of crying I laughed. Fifth, and most importantly there is an Atonement. We know about Christ suffering for our sins but there is also the masters course of that plan. That course teaches us that He also suffered for our heartache as well.
One thing I can say for sure is that my kids are not handling this as bad as I did. When my parent got divorced, I was in fifth grade. I went from a seventh grade reading level to a second grade in a matter of months. Most of my children's friend's parents have no idea because they are acting the same. Their grades have not slipped and they have stayed on the straight and narrow. I have given them more leeway but they have not taken advantage.
There has also been peace and healing at home. We (the kids and I) have come together making our family stronger. This has not been easy, but my loving Bishop asked me to share with them why the divorce was happening. This was tough because it meant looking back into my past that I have tried to stay hidden from my children. When abuse happens of any kind as the victim, you have two choices. The first choice is you can use it as an excuse to hurt other people. The second choice is to move on and remember the Golden Rule. When it comes to abuse, I tried to move forward but it is not always easy. This is not to say that Jason was the abuser. I want to be clear on that! Nevertheless, it did affect our marriage.
These last few months I have learned a few things. Number one, the world does not stop spinning because you are knocked off your axis. I was stunned in February when people were still happy. I could not understand why my world was ending and others had everything they wanted. Number two, a smile goes along way. The comment I have received the most has been, "Flo, I had no idea. Whenever I saw you, you had a smile on." Trust me the smile was not working on the inside but I needed to smile for my own kids and for those parents whose kids I have during the day. Third, the devil is in the details. The small stuff usually breaks the camel's back. Fourth, it is okay to laugh! The day I had to go sign for the papers at the post office was difficult. I did not want to sign for them but when I got in the car, I noticed the postage. It was $6.66, I am not kidding so instead of crying I laughed. Fifth, and most importantly there is an Atonement. We know about Christ suffering for our sins but there is also the masters course of that plan. That course teaches us that He also suffered for our heartache as well.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Moving Forward
Boy a lot can change in a few weeks. In a few weeks, school will be out and many of us will be going on vacation. (I know for some of my Havasu friends the last day is tomorrow but I have a few weeks left) I love summer time because it is time for all teachers to have some much deserved R and R. My teacher friends will veg for a few weeks but then they will be busy planning for next school year. I myself will be packing.
I hate moving I have moved 2 times in 15 years and at the beginning of the school year will be moving again. While the moving part is scary to me, the being on my own is worse. I do not know how to do a lot of stuff. I can teach children the three R's but I do not know how to take a bed apart, reconnect wires to electronics, and basic other stuff. I never learned. I never need to know these things. Every time I have moved, I have packed the majority of the boxes but the other part was Jason's job.
I know another reason I am nervous is finding a place on my own. Again, this has always been a team effort but now I am athletic director and coach. I worry about having saved enough money to move into a new place and being able to live on a tight budget. These are normal worries to most people but I feel very overwhelmed. I know that the actual moving day will not be a problem. I know that I have friends that will take care of the hard labor. I worry about that first night of being in my own place.
I am scared but excited to start on this new adventure. I am sure that I will learn a lot about things I did not know. I am lucky that Tyler and his friends will help because I know they can figure out where all the wires go. I am sad I will lose my house but Tyler keeps reminding me it is not anything more than a house. We will be able to find a new home.
If you know of a good rental let me know. I do not want to spend more than $800.00 a month. I would like to eat and pay for electricity.
I hate moving I have moved 2 times in 15 years and at the beginning of the school year will be moving again. While the moving part is scary to me, the being on my own is worse. I do not know how to do a lot of stuff. I can teach children the three R's but I do not know how to take a bed apart, reconnect wires to electronics, and basic other stuff. I never learned. I never need to know these things. Every time I have moved, I have packed the majority of the boxes but the other part was Jason's job.
I know another reason I am nervous is finding a place on my own. Again, this has always been a team effort but now I am athletic director and coach. I worry about having saved enough money to move into a new place and being able to live on a tight budget. These are normal worries to most people but I feel very overwhelmed. I know that the actual moving day will not be a problem. I know that I have friends that will take care of the hard labor. I worry about that first night of being in my own place.
I am scared but excited to start on this new adventure. I am sure that I will learn a lot about things I did not know. I am lucky that Tyler and his friends will help because I know they can figure out where all the wires go. I am sad I will lose my house but Tyler keeps reminding me it is not anything more than a house. We will be able to find a new home.
If you know of a good rental let me know. I do not want to spend more than $800.00 a month. I would like to eat and pay for electricity.
Monday, May 9, 2011
A New Chapter
This year has been tough for the Fallis family. We have dealt with a great deal in five short months. I have been contemplating the changes and the effects on the kids. All of our lives are chapters in a book. Some of the chapters are long others are short. Some are happy chapters and some are full of tragedy. I have had both in my life but the chapter that is dated 2011 has been one of happiness and tragedy.
Saturday Noelle checked the mail and there was the paperwork about the final date of my marriage. I was not surprised to get it, just taken back. I cried and thought I was crazy for doing so. I am a big girl and I need to act like an adult. It wasn’t until a friend reminded me that this means this chapter in my life is coming to an end.
Like a book this is a short chapter in this long section of my book. This section has been a happy one full of the births of my three beautiful children who I love more than anything. There has been some sad times but mostly happy. I have enjoyed being married and I am grateful for those experiences. One sad chapter cannot take away that entire section.
You might ask why and to be honest I don’t want to share. It was not because of any wrong doing on either part. The kids are doing well and they haven’t changed their behavior. I am lucky to say that the divorce has been sad but Jason and I have tried to remain civil. I know that sometimes this has been hard but, it has been necessary. I learned a few things from my parents’ divorce and one was the kids are the only people that get hurt when you are mean to each other. One thing I have tried to hold my head high and smile. This has not always been easy but it has been helpful.
I have been extremely blessed to have my education where I can teach. I have also had to rely on our Father in Heaven to help me know what to do. It is hard when the person that you consulted on decisions no longer there.
In the end I want to say this section of the book is not going to need a rewrite. It is fine the way it is. I have been blessed to have been married to someone that completed my bucket list. I wanted to be a mom and a teacher I have been able to do both.
I am looking forward to the new section and chapters in my book. I hope that there is more happiness than sadness. Hopefully there will times of health not sickness. I know one thing that will be in this chapter a mother’s love for her children.
Saturday Noelle checked the mail and there was the paperwork about the final date of my marriage. I was not surprised to get it, just taken back. I cried and thought I was crazy for doing so. I am a big girl and I need to act like an adult. It wasn’t until a friend reminded me that this means this chapter in my life is coming to an end.
Like a book this is a short chapter in this long section of my book. This section has been a happy one full of the births of my three beautiful children who I love more than anything. There has been some sad times but mostly happy. I have enjoyed being married and I am grateful for those experiences. One sad chapter cannot take away that entire section.
You might ask why and to be honest I don’t want to share. It was not because of any wrong doing on either part. The kids are doing well and they haven’t changed their behavior. I am lucky to say that the divorce has been sad but Jason and I have tried to remain civil. I know that sometimes this has been hard but, it has been necessary. I learned a few things from my parents’ divorce and one was the kids are the only people that get hurt when you are mean to each other. One thing I have tried to hold my head high and smile. This has not always been easy but it has been helpful.
I have been extremely blessed to have my education where I can teach. I have also had to rely on our Father in Heaven to help me know what to do. It is hard when the person that you consulted on decisions no longer there.
In the end I want to say this section of the book is not going to need a rewrite. It is fine the way it is. I have been blessed to have been married to someone that completed my bucket list. I wanted to be a mom and a teacher I have been able to do both.
I am looking forward to the new section and chapters in my book. I hope that there is more happiness than sadness. Hopefully there will times of health not sickness. I know one thing that will be in this chapter a mother’s love for her children.
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