A New Day

Well tomorrow is D-day, no I am not speaking of Normandy. Tomorrow my divorce will be final. I am now taking ownership of this because I have to. I have thought a lot about tomorrow the last few weeks. I do not know how I am going to feel or even what emotions I should have. I am sad and heartbroken, not because of the divorce but because I could not make my marriage work. You see I am a product of a divorce home and that means my chances of getting a divorce were higher than others. Now my children are going to be in that statistic.

One thing I can say for sure is that my kids are not handling this as bad as I did. When my parent got divorced, I was in fifth grade. I went from a seventh grade reading level to a second grade in a matter of months. Most of my children's friend's parents have no idea because they are acting the same. Their grades have not slipped and they have stayed on the straight and narrow. I have given them more leeway but they have not taken advantage.

There has also been peace and healing at home. We (the kids and I) have come together making our family stronger. This has not been easy, but my loving Bishop asked me to share with them why the divorce was happening. This was tough because it meant looking back into my past that I have tried to stay hidden from my children. When abuse happens of any kind as the victim, you have two choices. The first choice is you can use it as an excuse to hurt other people. The second choice is to move on and remember the Golden Rule. When it comes to abuse, I tried to move forward but it is not always easy. This is not to say that Jason was the abuser. I want to be clear on that! Nevertheless, it did affect our marriage.

These last few months I have learned a few things. Number one, the world does not stop spinning because you are knocked off your axis. I was stunned in February when people were still happy. I could not understand why my world was ending and others had everything they wanted. Number two, a smile goes along way. The comment I have received the most has been, "Flo, I had no idea. Whenever I saw you, you had a smile on." Trust me the smile was not working on the inside but I needed to smile for my own kids and for those parents whose kids I have during the day. Third, the devil is in the details. The small stuff usually breaks the camel's back. Fourth, it is okay to laugh! The day I had to go sign for the papers at the post office was difficult. I did not want to sign for them but when I got in the car, I noticed the postage. It was $6.66, I am not kidding so instead of crying I laughed. Fifth, and most importantly there is an Atonement. We know about Christ suffering for our sins but there is also the masters course of that plan. That course teaches us that He also suffered for our heartache as well.