Christmas Eve

 

                Christmas has never been my favorite time of year.  It is not because I do not believe in Christmas, it is just hard.  I know there are reasons and I am sure some of them are valid reasons.  However, tonight of all nights amazes me, it always has.  To think that tonight the Son of God was born over 2,000 years ago. 

                I have given birth 3 times.  There is nothing that feels as good as hearing your baby cry for the first time and holding them in your arms.  I am a wimp and I was happy to have as many drugs as I could.  I did not want to feel anything.  I have always thought that women that had children naturally were awesome, but that is not for me at all. 

                This night however, we focus on Mary, Joseph, and the new born babe.  I cannot imagine what that journey was like.  Riding and walking to pay taxes when you are 9 months pregnant.  Not just traveling to the mailbox, but many, many miles.  It had to be very uncomfortable.  Joseph, I imagine was doing everything he could do to keep Mary comfortable.  I do not know if we give Joseph the credit he deserves.  He truly loved Mary and our Father in Heaven.  It would have been very easy to walk away, yet he stayed.

                Finally, the come to a place to spend the night.  The inn keeper seems to always get the short end of the stick.  Yet, he did give them a place to stay.  They could not have stayed in the inn even if there was room.  Remember, Jesus’s birth was foretold by prophets and he had to be born in the poorest of circumstances. 

                Angels not an angel told of the birth.  Singing and praising God, singing hosannas to the Most High God.  I have heard a lot of choirs in my life and I am amazed by some of them.  I can imagine that this would have been the most awesome of them all. 

                Can you imagine if you were the shepherds watching their flocks?  Notice after they were told that the Savoir is born they did not just go about their business, it uses the word haste.   What a commotion that might have been as shepherds went as fast as they could to see the Christ child.  

                Today as we finish the last minute shopping, wrapping, etc…, I hope we take time to read, think, ponder, and pray about this holiest of nights.  I cannot imagine loving ALL of mankind enough to send down My Only Begotten Son, to save the world.  What a wonderful blessing this is in my life.  I know that He is the Savior and Redeemer of the world and me. 

Forgiveness

I hate that lesson in church where it talks about forgiveness.  I have always thought it odd that someone had to forgive someone else for something so silly as looking at them wrong or not speaking to them.  I have said in my brain and sometimes to the person I am sitting next to, “Wow that must be just horrible.”  Why do I feel that way?  Is it wrong to think that is silly?  Could I please borrow your shoes to walk in because I have had to work on forgiveness many times in my life?  

I know that Jesus suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane and died on the Cross at Calvary for me, but most of the time I feel unworthy to accept those gifts from our Father in Heaven.  Some might wonder why you can know something yet not feel like you are able to welcome it into your heart.  I guess the answer is forgiveness. 

The most important person you have to forgive is the person that looks back to you in the mirror.  It is not the person that gave you the stink eye, the person that offended you, or did not say hi.  This is not to say you should not forgive others, but I think that is easier to do than to forgive ourselves It is you!  Why because that person truly needs the forgiveness.   . 

 Yet somewhere in my brain I know this, but my heart falls short every time.  This has one issue has come up many times in the last few week.  I then start playing the, “if only I did this,” “if only I could have done that,” game.  I start blaming myself to decisions that I had no or little control of.  I know I could not or cannot change some of those circumstances yet the only person I blame is myself. 

This does not mean I am not at fault, because I am not close to being perfect, but I also cannot control outcomes to situations that I feel I need to.  Again the person that gets hurt in this situation is often myself because I don’t listen to my brain.  I know what to do and I do say in my out loud word, “Jesus, please help.”  However, as soon as those words are said and I lay my burdens at his door.  I quickly pick them up and move away from the door.   I won’t answer my door to let the Savior come in and give him my burdens. 

I would tell my friends that is what you have to do.  I know I have told my children that is what they need to do.   I know I have given lessons on letting the Savior into your life and help with those burdens.  Yet, I am not able to.  The reason is forgiveness.  Not forgiving others but myself and it is not for the huge mistakes I have made.  I was and still am able to do that.  It is for the little things, which now have turned big.  These are the things that are out of my control and yet I still want to control them.

So what I can do?  I think I am like most people where I understand the concept of the Atonement.  I just do not know how it works for me.  It is good enough for all of mankind except me.  This does not make sense in my head or my heart.   I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father, He created my soul, and He loves me.  Just plain Flo, someone who is not going to be anyone important but a normal person.  My older Brother loves me.  He did what He could to make sure I can live with Him. 

So my goal is to remember who I am and where I come from.  I will work on forgiving myself because I need to practice that for me.  I am worth it.  To knock on the door and wait for the Savior to open it, then actually hand Him my burdens and not take them back.  Not knocking and running away with my heavy load. 

           

 

My Grandma

 

            Today, eighteen years ago my Grandma Philpot died.  My Grandma was an awesome woman.   She is was the type of Grandma I want to be.  I do not remember an important event in my life that she did not come to.  Her last trip out of Utah, was because Katie had just been born and was getting blessed.  She was too sick to travel and I know she should not have come, but there was no way she was going to miss it. 

            There is an advantage of being the oldest.  The biggest one is time spent with loved ones.  When my Grandma got sick many of the younger grandchildren did not know the fun Grandma I knew.  I had an advantage of knowing Grandma Philpot because I spent close to my first two and half years of my life living on and off with my Grandparents.  This brought us closer together and I will always be grateful for that.

            My favorite memory of my Grandma is the day I ran away from home.  She took me to get a new dress and shoes.  We went to for lunch at Little America and she had the “roast baron of beef.”  She always ordered that.  I remember my Grandpa Philpot taking me home on my Uncle Paul’s bike.   That day was the fourth best day of my life.  (The other three were the days my children were born.)

            What did I learn from my Grandma?  I learned that loving God is the most important.  She loved serving the Lord and you could see that as she got older.  She promised the children in her primary class that if they got married in the temple she would attend.  She did just that and when we attended her funeral and saw many of those primary children grown up you could see the impact.  I remember her telling me that if the Lord asks you to do something you do it.

            Second, love of family.  Family is Heaven on Earth.  My Grandparents loved their children and grandchildren.  They would have done anything for them. This love was not always easy and I am sure my Dad and uncles will tell you that it came with a price, but people get softer when they older. 

            Third, how to work.   My Grandparents taught their children and they passed it down to their children, who have hopefully passed it down to their children. 

            There has not been a day that has gone by since my Grandma died, that I have not thought of her.  There are days that I wished she was still alive because I needed to call and talk to her, but instead I remember that she would have said, “Go talk to Heavenly Father.”  I am glad that I had such a wonderful Grandma, what a blessing this would has been.  Thank you Grandma for teaching me what it was is like to be a woman, mom, and some day grandma.  I love you more than you will know.  Which is not true because you loved us all more than we will ever know. 

"Where Were You on that September Morning"

 

 

          It is September 10, 2014 and thirteen years ago today final preparations I can assume were being made to make sure the attack on the USA was ready.  19 people we know for sure, in the USA that night knew what was going to happen, but the rest of us carried on like it was a normal Monday night.  It was Monday night football the New York Giants were playing the Denver Broncos.  It was a late game for those on the east coast. 

          September 11, 2001 started off like a normal day for the Fallis household.  I got up, got in the shower, turned on the Today Show.  (We had cable then) and woke up the kids. The first plane had already hit and Matt and Katie were talking about how it might have been a small plane that accidently hit the World Trade Center.  Then, like most of America, I watched in horror as the second plane crashed into the second World Trade Center. 

          I took the kids to school and rushed home to find out what was going on.  The third plane had hit the Pentagon and then we waited to see if any other buildings were going to be hit.  We mourned for those that had already died and silently cheered for those passengers that took down the last flight.  Hero is not a strong enough adjective to describe those passengers. 

          Americans were rushing to give blood, going to church, and hear from their families.   We all can remember where we were, but do we talk about it?  Do we talk to our children about the importance of that day?  Do we let them know about the importance of history?  Have we, ourselves, learned from history?  I wonder if my Grandparents thought something like this would happen.  They had been alive for the attack on Pearl Harbor.

          I am proud to live in this country!  I hope tomorrow we can take some time and think about how we felt that day thirteen years ago.  Tomorrow no matter what we should all try and remember what it was like to be an American.  Remember on that day sacred and holy, there were no democrats or republicans we were just one country standing together.   What a blessing it would be for our country if we could once again come together.   

Why Vacations Matter

                I never take vacations, the last time I left Lake Havasu for a vacation that was not a family reunion was 2009.  I did go to girls’ camp in 2010, but if you hate camping that is not a vacation.  I am not a believer in the importance of vacation, I get a breaks from school and those weeks (spring and fall) those are spent in bed reading or just having jammie days.  Oh, wait that is not true, I usually spend it in my jammies but grading papers or working on lesson plans. 

                Last week I was able to go to Nauvoo, Illinois.  I know this isn’t Disneyland or a cruise, and certainly it isn’t a huge vacation spot in the US.  In fact on our plane trip there were 5 people on the plane that knew where it was and we had a map.  It is a small town on the Mississippi River that has 1,100 people that live there.  That has to be close to the amount of people that Disneyland employees as cast members.  So why would that be a place I would have saved money to go?

                I needed my girls to know why we do the things we do and believe what we do.  I have been blessed to grow up in my faith unlike many others LDS people.   All of my friends know that missionaries are going out and talking about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  They talk about the mission of Christ and why His mission is just as important if not more as it was when He was on Earth.  My family listened to Joseph Smith himself.  They knew him and believed what he said.  They helped him with food, paper, and transportation.  This was just on my mother’s side.  On my father’s side of the family, those families left England to come to America to walk across the plains to come to Utah.  How and why could they do this?

                The Knight family knew Joseph Smith they talked to him and worked with him.  They were the first members of this new church in the 1830’s.  My family in England read the Book of Mormon and knew it was true.  They heard the call about gathering the ‘Saints’ and went.  Sold most everything to come across the Atlantic Ocean and then walked across most of the US to be with those people that believed what they did.

                In Nauvoo, we were able to walk those streets that the early Mormons walked.  I was able to go into the Prophet’s home, see and go into the temple, and walk where my family walked.  I read, researched, and felt like my family was blessed to be where I felt we needed to be.  How did this help my daughters’ faith?

                The stories learned and told there helped them answer some of those questions I wanted answered.  We came home and journal writing became important.  In fact Katie spent a great deal of time looking for a journal with the Nauvoo Temple on it. 

During this trip prayers were asked and answered, I felt closer to my grandparents that have gone before me.  I realized that because I had forefathers that walked the US, that I can overcome some of my problems.  Yes, my problems are different from theirs but, I didn’t have my homes torn down, I didn’t have to give up my worldly possessions, or I haven’t been ridiculed because of my beliefs.  There might be people talking behind my back about those things, but it hasn’t cost me anything. 

I think like many Catholics it would be like going to Rome.   For Jews it would be like going to Jerusalem.   I grew up in the Salt Lake valley so seeing church headquarters was not a big deal.  I wanted to go someplace that was special to my ancestors.  To be in the last place they were truly hurt by mobs and really ridiculed by the people in surrounding areas.   

                I will never regret going to Nauvoo.  I am grateful to Brett and Marie Allen for housing my family so I could afford to go.  I am thankful to Maureen Harshman for letting me crash her vacation.  I forgot how much I missed traveling with Mo.  I am happy that my girls were not upset that we didn’t go to a fun place for a vacation. 

                So why are vacations important?  Sometimes you just need to get out of Dodge and do something you want to do.  I might not be able to go on another vacation for many more years, but I am happy that I got to do something for myself and for my family. 

               

His Tender Mercies

This week has been very hard for me emotionally.  I have been to be on an errand for the Lord.  There are no other ways to describe it.  There are people that you will meet in your life that just by meeting them your life has been changed for the good.  I have been able to help someone that is a dear friend and more importantly than helping her I have been able to help those that love her.

I have a friend that is dying from cancer.  She is and the fight is over and now those that love her are just helping her cross the finish line.  This sweet friend is someone that everyone knows.  People have hosted car washes, garage sales, and even selling tamales at Christmas.  If you mention her name only good things are said.  I have never heard one person say anything bad about her.  How many of us can say that about ourselves?

As this week has progressed things have gotten worse as it is at the end of life but miracles I have seen.  I think sometimes we think the miracle has to be parting the Red Sea, bringing down the walls of Jericho, or saving all the animals as God sent down a flood to clean the entire Earth.  I however, think miracles are small and usually people will not even know they have happened until years down the road.   

My favorite scripture has always been in the parable of the separating the lambs and the goats.  The people are confused when the king asks questions about helping those that are sick, afflicted, and in prison.   The king says, “In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”  This parable is profound to me, because those that are the least are so grateful for those miracles of meals, a friendship, and a listening ear.  Those are all miracles to them, tender mercies from the Lord.

This week I have felt the presence of the Lord as I say things, do things, and try my best to be one of those that he has called to help.  I have also felt my dear Grandmother sit next me to me as I witnessed small miracles.  I know to people not of faith they would say I am crazy and if there was a God, He would not let this sweet lady suffer.  I however, see it this way, I learned from this week.  I learned that sometimes the Lord expects you to remember who you are and step up to the plate.  I learned that you need to be prepared.  I was able to remember that life goes on.   I held a brand new baby and marveled at how wonderful God’s plan is for us.  He truly loves us!  He knows each of us individually.  He wants the best for us.  He will work miracles and even though it might not be big, it will bless those that need it.

I have learned more than anything that a personal relationship with the Savior is more important than anything on this earth.  You might think that your are just a tiny drop of sand and your life will not mean anything but it does.  As I have witnessed as this humble cleaning lady make a huge impact on those around her.  What a blessing it has been to be on the Lord’s errand.  I can honestly say that today as we celebrate her life, I am blessed and will be a better person for knowing her.  Thank you Benny for sharing this with me.  I know that you have your mansion prepared for you in the next life. 

Why Fathers Matter

This might seem like a topic I would stay clear of but, I know dads matter.  I have been blessed to have a wonderful dad, wonderful grandfathers, and men in my life that taught me different things.  From my earliest memories I can remember what I was taught or learned from those men in my life.  I also learned from my own parents the importance of a Father in Heaven.  He is the most important Father in our lives. 

                Men and women have different divine roles, which include both being a father and mother.  I don’t remember when I didn’t want to be a mother.  I knew I wasn’t going to be a women that put her career first, I was going to be a mom.  However, in order to be a mom the most important role I have in my life, I needed someone to give me children.  Yes, I know there are other ways to become a mom, but I am a traditional girl.  So, let’s talk about the roles I believe that fathers and mothers have. 

                First, I believe, no let me restate that, I know that the father’s role is to provide for the family.  He will preside over the home in righteousness and provide for their family.    I heard a talk that said, “The most important thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother.”  Girls will learn how they should be treated by men by how their fathers treat their mothers and other women.   Fathers and mothers will also work together to raise their children with love and provide for their physical and spiritual needs.  To teach them to love and obey the commandments and become law abiding citizens.  The woman’s role is to primarily be the nurturer.  This is a gift that our Father in Heaven gave to women. 

                What did I learn from my dad and other men and why is that important for a daughter to learn these traits?  I learned how to work hard and to do whatever it took to provide for my family.  It was his job and his job alone to provide for us.  Yes, my mom and step-mother had jobs but they were because they wanted to, not because it was required.   There were jobs that my sisters and I did not do.  We were not allowed to mow the lawn that was my dad’s job and then my brother’s job when he was older.  We were to help out in the garden, work in the home, and make sure our grades were good.  My Grandpa Philpot and his father before him, had taught his children to work.  What a blessing working hard has been in my life. 

                My Grandpa Doxford was not always present in my life, but he taught me the importance of forgiveness.  He had made some decisions when my parents were married that he ended up regretting.  I learned from him the importance of reading the scriptures and loving my pioneer heritage.  I also learned the importance of no matter what, family comes first.  This was not an easy lesson to learn and I am sure that the way I learned this lesson is not the way my Grandpa thought I should learn it. 

                My Grandpa Philpot was my second dad.  I lived with him and my Grandmother for almost a year growing up.  I love him.  I remember his big hands, they would protect a little girl and hold her hand so tight that she would forget she was scared or had a care in the world.   He taught me that I was special and that I mattered.  No matter what else was going on FloriePot (that was what I called myself) was the most important little girl in the entire world.  He also would do anything to protect his family and I knew that.

                Seventeen years ago, I met a woman and I had no idea that she would change my life.  I gained another set of parents that have been a huge blessing in my life.  My children now have an extra set of grandparents.  They have a man in their life they can count on for things I cannot provide.   Grandpa Fronek has been able to give Father’s blessings, he has been able to teach especially Tyler the importance of the priesthood.  He has blessed the girls to know the importance of learning who they are and what they stand for.  Sunnie, taught me that it is okay to ask for help. 

                Dads are important because they are the first men in a child’s life.  I am so grateful to the men in my life that have helped not only my children but myself.  Thank you to those men that have taken their time to help out my family and to their families thank you for being willing to share your dad and husbands to help those in need.   I would be in a world of hurt if I did not know how to work, if I did not know how to forgive, and if I did not know it was okay to ask for help.  How blessed I am to have a loving Heavenly Father to bless me with these lessons.   So on this Father’s Day, I cannot be more grateful for those men that have given of their time and talents. 

 

Baseball and Prayers

      Everyday we make decisions, some that are made will change the course of our lives forever, most will not.  What shirt to put on, what to have for breakfast, making your bed in the morning, those decisions might not have a long term impact on our life.  Marriages, children, moving to a different place those decisions do have an impact on our life. 

          Today I would like to write about how a decision from a friend that has had no impact on her life but, changed mine forever, and boy am I happy she made that phone call that day. 

          Two summers ago I was having a very hard time with depression.  Havasu is hard on people in the summer because you can only take 120 degree weather for so long.  I am positive that is it is the same thing that happens to people in Alaska when they do not see the sun for months on end in the winter time.  I had locked myself in my house from the outside world and spent many hours in bed crying.  Terribly distraught not knowing what would come next.  There were too many big decisions that had to be made that I no longer wanted to make.  Too many decisions that were mine solely to make, and if you know me I am not one to come to big decisions lightly, I was done making pro and con charts. 

          I got a phone call from Patty Bagshaw, who had no idea that she was an answer to many prayers.  Not only given by myself but, my children, parents, siblings, and other friends.  You see Heavenly Father truly loves His children and knows what they need.  He knew that an invitation to baseball was something I was not going to say no to.  With that phone call and a few pestering ones after that my life took a different course.

          So how are baseball and prayers related?  Easy, going to those games in Kingman gave me something to look forward to other than making long term impacting decisions on my life.  It also got me out of the house and feeling the sun on my face.  Baseball brought a much needed smile to my face.  Lastly, it was an answer to many prayers. 

          When this time of year happens I get excited, ecstatic, joyful, and thankful for a season when I know I can look on my phone and find a game going on.  Yes, I don’t have cable so my 2 MLB apps come in very handy.  Baseball is not everything in my life, but it is a place where I feel safe.  I love watching the game rather it is the big boys playing or my students, baseball brings a smile to my face.  My favorite quote about baseball is “In baseball as in life, all the important things happen at home.” 

          I can never thank Patty enough for making that initial phone call.  She truly was an answer to prayers.  You never know when you have a feeling to call someone, text them, write a little note on Facebook, that that is something that person needs.  Those might be an answer to someone’s prayers. 

With that said, all I can say is “Play ball!”