Year in Review

This time of year there are lists of the top ten stories of the year. Rather it is news stories, sports plays, commercials, movies, or TV shows. In years past I have enjoyed reading and watching what the top stories are. I would say this year in the news the death of Osama Bin Laden, the rise of the Arab Spring, the demonstrations on Wall Street, and Tyler’s favorite news story, The Green Bay Packers winning the Super Bowl. Next year one if not the top news story will be the 2012 presidential election.

This year started out like any other year. I was excited that Tyler was going to get his Eagle Scout. That happened in January the day after my birthday. No mother has ever been so proud. I remember that day getting everything ready. Tyler had completed his project but the paperwork was a project within itself. I now know why mothers get a pin. We had a nice reception at the house and I thought my life was perfect.

The next day, January 30th my entire life changed, I came home from church. I had talked to my sister Amy and she told me she was getting a divorce. I was sad for her but happy that I had a happy, strong marriage. After I got home I went into the study, Jason hadn’t gone to church that day. I think he was sick. I told him what Amy had said, and then Jason dropped the bomb. He told me he wanted a divorce and this was the perfect time since I brought it up.

I was devastated; I called my parents and then two of my sisters. Jason went to his parents’ house and talked to them. I then decided I would need to talk to our brand new bishop. The Bishop had been called as bishop the Sunday before, I didn’t want to make the call but I knew that is what I had to do. The next morning I went to school. I felt terrible, I had missed Thursday and Friday of the previous week because I had bronchitis, and then with this news I felt even worse. I texted the executive clerk and told him it was an emergency that I had to see the Bishop with Jason. Now if you are LDS you know that Monday nights are not nights that the Bishop sees people, it is for Family Home Evening, so when he said he would meet with us I was relieved.

The meeting went well I thought, Jason promised the bishop he would give me 30 days. But, the next night he told the kids he would be moving out. That Wednesday he flew to Oregon to pick up his brother’s truck. Those first few weeks are like a blur, I do remember getting up, taking a shower, and going to work every day. I remember meeting with Bishop on Sundays to see how I was doing. I would spend my nights in my room crying after the kids went to bed wondering why my marriage had ended and blaming the only person I could. Myself.

February came and went and then in March I had to tell the kids all at different times of the day that their parents were getting divorced. I was not happy that I had to be the bearer of bad news again. I also was the one that got to tell Jason’s parents at a lunch date. I received a certified letter request in March, so I went to the post office to pick up my copy of the paperwork. I cried all the way to the post office, I went in signed for the envelope and then got in the car. I turned over the envelope and started to laugh, the postage was 6.66. It was a sign, because that was who I felt was responsible for my life falling apart.

April was uneventful but then on May 18, 2011 I felt fear for the first time in my entire life. I had been sacred before this day but I truly knew what fear was. A court clerk had misplaced a paper that said I had taken a parenting class. This is a requirement for custody in AZ. Jason called and said, “I have been awarded full custody of the kids. They don’t show that you took the parenting class.” I hung up the phone ran out of my classroom and upstairs to the principal’s office. I don’t remember coming down the stairs I do remember Jason calling back and saying to fax over the certificate the judge will relook at the case. That was the longest hour and a half in my life. You all know how it ended.

Summer came and went and we packed up the house and started back to school. September came and we moved. Well I should say my friends moved me. I learned that day how truly blessed I was to have such wonderful friends. Sometimes asking for help is harder than you think.

Fall came and went and now we are at the end of the year. This year has been rough, it has been hard, and it has been one big tear fest after another. But, and it is a big but! I have been blessed! I have learned who my true friends are, I have made new friends, and I have learned to say, “It is none of your business.” I have learned to do things by myself. I learned that girls sometimes have to learn to do boy jobs. (You know who you are that has shared that piece of advice)

The most important lesson learned is that I have a Savior and He loves me! He loves all of us, but he loves me. He wants me to be happy and live in peace. He wants me to come to him with the desires of my heart and He wants to give them to me. I have earned a masters degree in the Atonement of Christ this year. I didn’t think I was going to make it to the top of the hill but I think I just might be able to now.
I would also like to thank you my readers for your comments and prayers. I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I know this is true. My goal for 2012 is to be the best Flo I can be. I am excited for 2012 because I have a feeling it might be my best year yet. Merry Christmas to all of readers and I hope that you have the happiest New Year.

Living in Peace

Last night my dad called me, he wanted to talk about a book that both of us had read. I explained that I was busy and I would call him today. My dad was not a big reader growing up, well he might have been but I didn’t see him read. He found a book series called, “Children of the Promise” there were five books set in WWII time. It was a very good series, he liked it because it was about his parents’ generation, I liked it because it had to do with WWII. The author Dean Hughes wrote a second series called “Hearts of the Children” and then one book about a granddaughter of the main character in the Children of the Promise series. We were discussing that book called, Promises to Keep. In this book the granddaughter has recently divorced from a bad marriage. She has a hard time being about to cope with the day to day life that happens when you are single. I had read this book about 3 or 4 years ago, while before I was single.

I was talking to my dad about unintended consequences of decisions made rather they are decisions that you make or others make for you. This is a hard issue for me to write about. But, I feel that it has to be written about. My dad wanted to know about how Diane’s story applied to me. I told him like Diane I just wanted to make out with a little bit of class and dignity. I do not know if that is true but I have tried. My dad also asked me who I go to when I need to talk. I talked to my sisters, I talked to Grandma and Grandpa Fronek, I have a great circle of friends, and most importantly I have a Heavenly Father who loves me.

My dad wondered how my Father in Heaven helped me. I know that sometimes prayers are answered by Heavenly Father, but they are not always answered in ways we think they are going to be. My prayers have been answered by the small things, answers found in the scriptures, lessons in church, and just talking to my friends. My dad then talked to be about the grandma in the story and the advice she gave Diane. She wanted to make sure that Diane was taking care of herself and being able to look herself in the mirror when it was done.

As moms we are good at taking care of ourselves. We specialize in making sure that our children are getting taken care of. I truly believe as moms that is what we are suppose to do. I love taking care of my children. I love making sure children are happy and doing what they enjoy doing. This does not mean that if they are not following rules it means that they are happy and healthy. One of the situations that has been very tough this year is not having someone else to help me with the day to day with the kids. I am blessed to have great kids. I know all moms feel this way, but I have been truly blessed with wonderful children. This again is an answer to prayers.

This time of year I think of Mary holding her new born baby. I remember what it was like to hold my own three children. Mary must have been a wonderful mother, we know this because He is the Only Begotten Son of our Father in Heaven. You know that Jesus loved his mother because he made sure she would be taken care of while he was hanging on the cross. I hope that my children share Christ’s love for his mother. As I spend this Christmas reflecting on decisions made I am glad that I will be able to look myself in the eye.

Best Practices

I have always wanted to be a teacher, well that is not entirely true during the late 80’s I did want to be a lawyer so I could work with Jimmy Smits. Other than that a brief time I wanted to be a teacher. I think most of us can think of a time when you wanted to grow up to be something or someone. You might have your dream job or you might have decided that when Mr. Smith asked me, “What I wanted to be,” really doesn’t count as a dream job. I love teaching and I think I am a good at it. Not every day but most days. Sometimes on the bad days I forget why I started out wanting to be a teacher.

Why did I think working with young children seem like a good idea? Did I really want to say 100 times a day, “Tie your shoe” or “Sit down please so we can get started.” They are both nice phrases but that is not the reason. I wanted to help them become good students, learn to enjoy books like I do, love math (even though this is not my best subject), and to realize that history is doomed to repeat itself if we do not learn from it.

This week I was lucky enough to go to a great conference. I think conferences are nice and you do learn from them but, I do not like to leave my kids. That is a whole different blog. This conference as I was listening to some of the presenters I realized I do love my job! There were comments, views, and ideas shared on what are “best practices” in the teaching field and I was doing some of those things, not all but more than half. I had different ideas come to me and I think I solved a problem at school. I also realized again that laying a strong foundation before the house is built is important. I am not putting up the walls or ceiling I am the base and if that is not level, firm, and strong it will not matter what the rest of the house looks like, the house will fall.

So what does this all mean? It means we need to celebrate the little things. I need to be happy if Jonny sits down for 10 minutes when yesterday he only sat down for 5 minutes. I need to tell those teachers on the Elementary Team, “Thank you” because they are fantastic to work with. I need to remember that some days are going to be bad but a smile will go a long way. Last but not least use the biggest tool in your tool belt, mine is passion for learning.

Monday you might see a different teacher on your campus. One that is renewed with a passion for learning is willing to continue to solve problems, and one that is willing to hire Jimmy Smits if he wants to be a teacher at my school. Most importantly there are two groups I would like to thank, first to the teachers of my own children they are better people because of you. Second, thank you to those parents who have entrusted me with their children I have enjoyed them more than you know. Remember if you can read this thank a teacher, it is because of them you can read.

Role of Parents

The hardest part of being a parent is not the joy but the heartache. Noelle has not slept through the night for a long time. I would love sleeping throughout the night. With her foot she is up more because her other leg is hurting. It is hard when she doesn’t feel good because it hurts not only her but myself also. When Tyler and Katie got their midterm grades and got straight A’s I couldn’t have been more proud. It is hard to get straight A’s, it isn’t an easy feat but both Tyler and Katie did it.

What is the biggest role of a parent? This has been debated for a long time. I think the most important role is to teach children the different between right and wrong. Yes, having a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and the basic necessities are very important. They are in fact necessities. Once their basic needs are taken care of, we as parents need to teach our children to become better people. This might look different to different parents. That is okay because we have to do what is best for our little family.

As a teacher I know that parents are the most important influence on their children at a young age. If parents teach respect at home, respect is shared in class, on the playground, and any other activities the child is involved in. If parents don’t teach respect then children will not see the importance of respect. I have a family that I have grown to love at school. I have seen these boys turn into wonderful young men. Every morning when I see these boys they are so respectful and ask if they can help me. This is because of how importance respect is at home. I know that as these boys get older they will show the same respect to young women they date and eventually marry. Why, because their father has taught them to respect women.

So what are you teaching your children? I hope I have taught and will continue to teach the difference between right and wrong. I have tried to show them the importance of respect and why we should respect those around us. I am not a perfect parent but I know that it is my duty to do what is right for my own family but teaching your children to do what is right. They will hopefully become great citizens and community members.

Following the Rules

I have been thinking about this blog for a few weeks now, writing and rewriting it over and over. As you read this please keep in mind I am not pointing fingers at anyone. Having someone read this blog and judge someone is not what I have in mind.

My parents were not cool parents, I don’t mean to disrespect my parents but they were not the “cool parents” that people I knew had. I am like my parents in that area, I am the mom who expects homework to be done, chores to be done, and rules to be followed. This comes with the territory. That does not mean I do not love my kids, but I want them to do what is best for them. I am their parent first and friend second. I do not think there is anything wrong with this. My relationship has changed with them throughout the years as most parent child relationships do. I can say that my parents are more my friends now than when I was young but I still have to do what they say.

As parent we have to put our own desires and wants on the backburner. We also have to be very careful not to set a double standard. What do I mean by this, we all know the phrase, “Do as I do not as I say.” I would also like to another favorite, “Actions speak louder than words.” I love Diet Pepsi, if there was ever a better drink I don’t know what it could be. I know that soda is not good for people and I would tell my children while sucking down my soda, “It is not healthy to drink soda. It is not good for you.” They would look at me like I was nuts, if mom drinks it, it cannot be bad. They also were thinking you are the biggest hypocrite on the planet. You are telling us not to drink it but here you are drinking it like there is no tomorrow. Now because I am six weeks without soda I can say look how much better you feel when you don’t have that in your system. (That is a very hypocritical statement because boy do I really want one today.)

This week as we were in Utah I saw a bumper sticker that was very popular in the 80’s. It said, “Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow you may be in Utah.” As I thought of this I thought of myself. I am a rule follower. If you are reading this you know this is true, if it is a rule I try very hard not to break it. My parents and siblings will hopefully agree. I have broken rules before but the times that big rules were broken big consequences followed. The problem with breaking rules is that most of the time we do not even know what the consequences of our actions will be or how it will affect other people. Breaking the rules might bring instant gratification but it does not always make you feel better in the end.

The end is what I want to write about. Sometimes we have to look towards the future to find out what really matters. As rule followers we should not feel like we are being punished. The blessing we get from doing what is right will be those that last forever. Forever is a long time away and that is one of the reasons it is hard to follow rules. I am glad that I follow most rules, yes there are some rules that I break, but I hope my children will understand that living for just tomorrow will not bring joy that last.

Now this does not mean if you break rules you are doomed. You are not! See we have Jesus Christ to make us whole again. He is the only one that can do this for us. I know this is true. You see I have had to use that power. It is a gift that our Father in Heaven has given us. He sent His only begotten Son to Earth to atone for our sins. The problem is there are many of us who do not use this gift. We think once we break a rule we can never change the consequence. We can’t change the natural consequence but we can change how we feel. As I end this blog I want all of my readers to know that I am a Christian, I know that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world. I know that all of my friends rather Mormon or not know that I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. He is my Savior and Redeemer.

Blessing Galore

Two weekends ago was moving weekend. It started like any other week before moving. I was feeling very good on Wednesday AM and I started to think that things might be going better than I thought. Thursday came and I started to feel yucky at school. I came home early and threw up for fifteen minutes. I then went to the new house, met some friends, and started to clean. I felt much better and went to work on Friday. Friday morning I was tired but I thought that was just because I was feeling stressed. Friday about 11:00 I felt horrible and decided to go home and sleep for an hour before the big kids got home. That did not work out.

By 1:00 that afternoon, I was in the emergency room finding out that something was wrong. I did not know what but I knew that something was not right. By the end of the night I knew that, I had a kidney stone and that they would be putting in a stent to help me pass it. I was worried about where the kids would be whom they would be staying with and how the move was going. Luckily, I had friends and family that stepped in and took over the heavy part.

Saturday I was NPO, I do not know exactly what that is but I know it means no water or food. At lunchtime, the nurse came in and said, "Well the doctor isn't coming today so you can eat." I was happy with that because I had not eaten anything on Friday and so I ate. The doctor came in right after I ate and then said, "Well we will have to send you home to pass it." I was not happy because the morphine had started to wear off and Tylenol with Codeine is a migraine trigger.

I called a friend and she came to get me. I wanted to go home and go to bed and I was worried that my bed would not be set up. I walked through the door and my house was in the process of being of painted. Noelle's room was done except one part (which we are going to do something cool with.) My room painted and so was my bathroom. My living room was in the process of being painted.

I came home and felt the love of my friends and family. One of the issues that divorce brings is low self-esteem. You do not feel loved or worth love, I am not blaming anyone but this is one of the side effects. I knew that people liked me and were genially concerned about the children and myself. However, I did not feel worth the love that the Savior had put in place for me. My family and friends have been wonderful, and the Savior was giving them the tools I needed, but I did not feel worth of those tools. I was and I still am humbled by the love of my family and friends. I hope my children know that this love includes them also. I have told them, but again they might not feel worthy of it.

On the bad days, I am going to have to remember the blessings I have received. One of my friends on the Thursday, September 1 said to me, "Flo, you need to ask for help, people want to help but you will not let them." This made me think long and hard and Friday when I was no longer in charge of my move, help was given with open arms.

I am so grateful for the Savior of the world who loves me enough to help me through my trials in life. He has sent forth people to be my closest friends and advisors. He has given me three wonderful children, whom I love more than life itself. He has also blessed me with the Priesthood in my home and a wonderful home teacher who will drop things at the drop of a hat to help me out. How blessed I truly am.

The Grasshopper and the Ant

I love the fable of The Grasshopper and the Ant. I think most of us see ourselves in one of these two categories. There might be a few that are a good mix but most of us are one or the other. I am an ant; this statement will not shock any of you that are reading. I work 60 hours a week outside my home, this is a lot even for a teacher. This does not take into consideration the time that I come home and try to find cool stuff for school. This is just plain working outside the home time. Very few people want to work that much but I am grateful for the hours that I have because they help support my kids. My kids are my life and they have been from the time they were born.

This weekend I had the time of my life. If you ask what I did, I would say had lunch with a friend that makes me smile. I then played the rest of the weekend. It was fun being a grasshopper for even 12 hours. Playing is important as long as work is done but because I enjoyed being a grasshopper, so much I then had to work twice as hard.

As a member of the ant colony, we do mock the grasshoppers. We say, "Why do I have to do all of the work." "Don't they know that is the wrong way to do that?" "They take too long and I am on a strict schedule." My favorite of all the ant sayings is, "I will just do it myself because then I know it will get done." We ants do not like to hear the excuses of the grasshopper.

I am sure in the grasshopper meetings they are mocking the ants. Of course, they have nothing important to say because they are wrong. I am kidding. I guess their meetings would go something like this. "Well I was told not to help because I don't know anything." "Those ants think they are experts at everything." "Why can't they just have fun?" I am sure that when they say, "What if they broke their pencils they wouldn't have anything to cross off their list," gets a big laugh.

I want to have fun, but I do not know how. I really don't; it is hard to find time to do something that simple. I use my summer vacation for fun things but even then, my inner ant comes out. Today I had to put my grasshopper back to rest and maybe find time to play in a few months. I am so grateful to a wonderful friend that let me play and have fun. Grasshopper days are fun but because moving day is here, there is no time for play.

The Art of Editing

This week I was at a book club meeting. We were discussing the book we would be reading and our favorite books from the past. I piped up and mentioned my love The Help. One of the reasons why I love this book is the editing that the characters took in their personal lives. One of the main characters Hilly said what she wanted to say all the time. She did not care who she offended or even if it was politically incorrect. Skeeter another main character was careful of what to say around her white friends so she would not cause distress for the maids in her own book. (On a post script of this paragraph the grammar check just came on and said maids should be changed to house cleaners)

Homer J. Simpson is one of my favorite characters on TV. He does not have an editing process in which to speak of; in fact, he uses the phrase, "D'oh" all too often. Why, he says stuff he should only think not say. I love his power not to edit and that is what makes him so funny.

Sometimes, I do not use my power of editing very well. Other times I am a master of this powerful tool. One of my friends this week was giving me a hard time about having two journals. I laughed because it is my power of editing that causes me to keep up two journals. Blogs could be considered a modern day journal. The blessings and trouble with blogs are they on the World Wide Web. My children, sisters, brother, parents, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins can read my thoughts. I love this part of blogging; it is a way for us to communicate. The trouble is you must use the gift of editing.

In my white journal, I can pour out all of my thoughts good and bad. However, I want my children more than any other people to know there is more good than bad do. When I was younger, I had an opportunity to use my editing power. There was a time where things were not going well, this happens when we are in high school. I had an adult hurt my feelings. This adult was going through their own personal hell and did not mean to hurt my feelings. Another adult gave me some advice to write the first adult a letter. When I finished the letter, the second adult gave it back to me and said, "Rewrite it, you will regret some of these things later in life." I did and then gave it to her again; she said the same thing, "Rewrite it." After the third of fourth time, the letter was complete.

Why is the power of editing so important? To the writer it is a way for them to fix their mistakes. Most importantly, it to our Savior the editing process is the Atonement. He can help us rewrite our story by using the power of forgiveness of our faults, sins, and shortcomings. Tonight I listened to a speaker tonight say, "Hope is a vision of what we can become." I am grateful to a loving Savior that is going to help me correct all of the mistakes in my book of life. What a blessing this is, because I want my book to be filled with eraser marks and not the dreaded red pen.

A New School Year

Well school officially starts tomorrow. Teachers went back last week so it will be my second week of work. This school year is going to be different from other years. This will be my first year as a single mom. I think this will bring an understanding that I have not had in years past to other single parents. I also will also work with my partner in crime at the after school program. That will give me a few extra dollars a month.

Tyler is a senior this year and I cannot believe that this is his last year in high school. It seems like yesterday I was signing him up for kindergarten. He has been very lucky to have wonderful teachers along the way. He has grown up into a handsome young man and I am very proud of the person he has become.

Katie is a sophomore and has grown into a beautiful young woman. The advantage she has over her classmates is her determination. She works very hard and every grade she receives she earns. This will help her go farther than most of her classmates. I am very proud of her strong testimony and love for our Savior Jesus Christ.

Noelle or Steve as she is known at school will start the intermediate level at school. For those of you that are not familiar with Telesis she will be in fourth grade. She is nervous because there are new teachers and she is not good with change. I know she will do fine as long as she can stay focused. Steve is a good girl and wants to choose the right.

I have been so blessed by the love of my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ. My family and friends have been my rocks. I am humbled by the love and support of others. As another school year starts, I hope that my children will remember what they were told today during their Priesthood Blessings. I am so grateful for the priesthood in my life. As I sign off I hope everyone has a wonderful school year!

Friends for a lifetime

Well this is my official last post for the summer. I first want to dedicate this post to my very best friend in the world Anna Gosma. I met Anna 13 years ago at the library. David was trying to pull the fire extinguisher off of the wall next to the fire truck. If you live or have lived in Havasu you know that the fire truck was at the old library and the kids could sit in it during story time with Mrs. Brown. Anna was pregnant with Ethan and had just moved to town. A few days later in one of the store parking lots (I think it was K Mart) I told her about MOMS Club. We became instant friends. Oh, Patty Poorten thank you for starting that wonderful group in Havasu. As I look at many of my friends it is because of that group.

Anna and I have been through the birth of 3 children, two of hers and one of mine. We have been through good times and bad. We laugh whenever we see a Hooters and she has been there to comfort me in my darkest hours. Hopefully I have done the same for her. She moved to Michigan about 7 years ago and then came back 5 years later. We haven’t seen much of each other however; we do talk on the phone almost every day. She was the first person next to my parents I called when Jason said he was going to file for divorce. I have cried on the phone with her more than anyone else. I have also laughed harder with her than anyone else.

Today Anna and I had lunch together for the last time. She told the waitress we would need a pitcher of Diet Coke. Anna understands the importance of a good soda when we meet. We talked about her house back east and her trip. We talked about the kids and how David is now going through the 14 year old boy stage that I told her would happen. We talked about making sure that if we saw Hooters we would take a picture and text each other. I would share the Hooters story but to be honest Anna and I are the only ones that ever laugh. We also talked about how I am “Great-Grandma Flo Flo,” a title I will always cherish. After lunch we hugged each other good bye. I will miss my friend but she is only a phone call away.

Why is this important to those that read this blog? Well the reason is you don’t know how you will touch someone’s life. That day I smiled and said, “Hello,” to a young mom who was going to have a baby changed my life. It was something so simple but that one word and the smile that went with it made all the difference in the world. Who would have thought?

As school starts I would like to remind us to all smile and say, “Hello.” It might change your life.

The Road Less Traveled

I have wanted to write a blog for a few weeks but nothing would come to mind. Maybe I had writers block. I doubt that because I am not a writer. I think the issue is that unlike a journal a blog is something others will read and like our mothers before us would say, "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." I have two journals one is my blog (because it is a hip way to journal) and one is my journal. In my white journal, there are all of my feelings good or bad. This will need to be buried when I die, then I have my regular journal or now blog that others can read. Now, you might say who are you not going to say nice things about and it is not who most of you are thinking.

Last night after more tears were shed (I did not think I could produce that man tears) I starting to pray. I have spent time on my knees during this situation but I really plead to our Father in Heaven. I am not perfect, I like to joke and say I am Mary Poppins, who is practically perfect in every way. Nevertheless, I am not even close to her. I have my own demons that live hidden in the back of my closet but I have tried to live a good life.

I have a pioneer heritage in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My family knew Joseph Smith and followed Brigham Young on the exodus west. My ninth Great Grandfather even has a few sections of the Doctrine and Covenants written to him. I have never known another way, but I know where I am at is the right place for my family. I have some dear friends from other faiths and I do not want to diminish or make light of what they believe. Because I am happy, to have friends that are good Christian people and those people have been just as important to me as my LDS friends have. In fact, my three most trusted advisors have been of other faiths. However, they gave me the same advice that my lovely Bishop gave to me.

Now, I can get to the heart of my blog. Everyone has agency that is a gift we received when we came to Earth. It was part of the plan. Some people like Mother Theresa used her agency to lift people up others like Stalin tore people down. However, each of us has a right to choose for ourselves. This does not apply to totally to children because they are supposed to do what their parents ask them to do. It is hard to teach your children about agency and not look like a hypocrite yourself. Because you know, your mistakes are what they are going to look at first.

The tricky part of life is when what we used to believe is not what we believe now. Rather it is a family tradition that occurs once a year or something that can change the outcome of a life. Children look up to their parents, we as parents ask our parents for advice on raising kids. Nevertheless, agency is still ours, it is still the gift that we were given and it belongs to us. Therefore, the question is how do we use our agency and still teach our children. I do not know the answer. Other than at a certain age, children get to use their agency and hopefully we have taught them to go to their Father in Heaven and ask for his advice.

I would like to close with a few stanzas from Robert Frost's poem. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference

Good-bye Harry for now

I thought it fitting that this week I should write about Harry Potter. When Tyler was in second grade, he found a book in a book order form he wanted to read, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I did not know anything about the book other than it was a "magical journey of a little boy." I do not even remember where I had read that but that is what I had read some place. I gave him the money and we received the book about 2 weeks later.
The deal was we would read one chapter before bed. Katie was too little to read it so we would do it in his room right before bedtime.We started the book and I was hooked with the first chapter. In fact, Tyler made me promise that I would not go ahead in the book. This was a promise I soon broke. We started the book on a Thursday night and by Sunday I was needed the second one and the third one. Then I had to wait like millions of fans for book number four.

There were numerous debates all over this country about these, "so called children's books about magic." Were these books of the devil? I have always thought and shared this opinion when asked about rather someone else's children should read them because of the magic issue. It is a fictional story, a great fictional story, but it is fiction. Harry Potter's life was not easier because of magic because it was not. He was orphaned as a boy because of magic. He had to live in a cupboard under the stairs with people that treated him horrible because of the magical powers his parents had. He had a nemesis (this is Noelle's favorite word) at the age of one. No, his life was not easier because of magic.

I am asked what my favorite book is well here is the answer. I love Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The trials in this book are what make Harry stronger and ready for the final task of the Tri Wizard Cup. He is then more prepared to meet what will happen in the graveyard. The scene where he sees his parents and they let him know what to do. He also sees Cedric and he tells Harry to take back his body to his father. This scene is so touching and this is the first time I cried in a Harry Potter book.

Number five is where Harry loses his Godfather Sirius Black. This was a devastating loss not only to Harry but also, to all Potter fans alike. Here was the man that he did not know very long but loved him more than any other adult. The tears flowed hard. This would be just the first of many of the main characters to die because of Lord Voldemort and his army of Death Eaters. Dumbledore in book six and too many in book seven (plus for those of you who have not read the book) I do not want to spoil it. I did write read the book not watch the movie.

Not only did Harry, Hermione, and Ron grew up we all did. Neville Longbottom grew up and became the leader of the DA in Harry's absence. Oh, how people cheered for Neville in number 7. He truly became a man. I have also watched how my children have grown up with Harry as well. Tyler is now 17 and getting ready for his final year of high school. There are trials he will have that hopefully he will have been prepared to go through. Katie is learning to fight her own battles and learning to be a leader in the group not always the follower. Noelle is still finding her place in the world and soon she will be equipped with all the items she needs to help fight those battles she will fight.

J. K. Rowling made reading cool again. Children, teenagers, and adults would stand in line to get a book! Oh, what a readers dream, to think it all started in a coffee shop across the pond. In the end because of the movies, hopefully more children will want to read these wonderful books. Good-bye Harry but I have a feeling I will be seeing you soon.

A new way of thinking

Well summer is about half way done and I have not finished much on my list. That is okay because I still have a month to finish things. Packing is going well and my goal next week is to have the bathrooms, linen closet, and the china packed. You might be questioning my bathroom and linen closet idea but like most people, I have stuff under the bathroom sink that I do not use or even know I have. The idea with the linen closet is I do not need to have all my sheets, blankets, and towels unpacked.

On the advice of a good friend, I am going to try to learn some new things. I might take up fishing but putting the worm on the hook makes me squirmy so that might be out. I think I am going to start a book club. I think that would be a good start because I do LOVE to read. Therefore, a book club could encompass one of my passions. So, if you want to become a member of a book club let me know. I would like to start by reading my favorite book The Help.

This same friend reminded me that anything a boys can do girls can do. (I will add better.) I am a little old fashioned with this idea. Not that girls cannot do whatever boys can do but I do think there are boy jobs and girl jobs. I am also going to learn in the next few months how to take beds apart and put them back together. That will give me a little independence. Putting beds together is a boy's job. Now, I will have to rethink my idea and make it a girl's job. I am still nervous but I know if I need help I have the support of friends and family.

Well I had better get my jobs done for the night so I can start my new book, The Last Templar. I would be remiss if I did not thank my friends and family for all of their support. I am truly blessed to have you in my life and the lives of my kids. I am going to try to add some sprinkles to my vanilla! This will help me find who Flo is again.

Lessons Learned

Well we just got back from vacation. I don't know if you can really count a small family reunion as a vacation but I am going to anyway. I had a great time with my mom, sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I wish I would have had enough time to see everyone but that is the problem with a two and one half day vacation. I realized this on this trip how much I love my kids. Now my sisters are going to read this and say it is because my kids are perfect, but that is not it. I just thought about what it was going to be like when they came to see me when I am the grandma. (This will be at least 10 years away!)

I was shocked how going home can cause so many emotions. I haven't been in the Salt Lake Valley in almost 15 years when my Grandma Philpot died. Yet, I could remember how to get to the houses that I spent most of my childhood in. I enjoyed going past my grandparents house and telling Tyler that this used to all be fields. I found out something that my Grandpa Philpot said I have to say it brought a smile to my heart.

Katie had the opportunity to spend extra time with Grandma and Grandpa Howells. She tied a quilt, learned how to make a boondoggle key chain, (I guess it is now called craft lace) and how to make a heating pad. She also was able to spend extra time with her Aunts and cousins. She also learned that not all parents handle the same situation the same. This does not mean that one way is better just that the best way for you might not be the best way for others.

I was also able to talk to Tyler about The Batman Philosophy. I learned a few things. I thought it was fun discussing this with my son. I am not making fun of him but he is a nerd. He also finished two graphic novels that I can't wait to discuss. I am going to have to re-watch "Batman the Dark Knight, and just watch "The Watchmen." I don't want to sound like I don't know what I am talking about. I might need help with this.

Noelle was fun because she was able to go to the zoo for the first time. She met a new friend whose mother I have known since I was 10. The girls are going to be pen pals in the 21 century meaning email. It was fun to see how much the girls enjoyed looking up things on the map. I loved spending those few hours with Heidi.

Now that I am home, I get to work on packing the house. I am blessed to find a house in my price range and the right size. It also helps someone I hope I am close to for 30 years. I am finding happiness in the world around me and that is a good thing. Well 9 hours of driving and not going to bed until about midnight for the last few nights is making me a little tired.

Summer is Here

Well school is finished for this year. I cannot believe how this year has flown by. I now get to relax and enjoy summer, but this worries me. Why, you might ask? Well school has been a good thing for me since February. It was a place for me to keep my mind off stuff for 11 hours of the day. School is also a place where I feel like I am home and know my place in the world. That might seem funny to not know where my place in the world is but it is true. For almost twenty years, I was a wife first and mother and teacher second and third. Now I am a mom and teacher first and second. Not that I mind, I love those two jobs more than anything.

It is hard to lose something even if it is a title. Rather it is Mrs. or something like Queen or Princess. Some have asked if I will go back to Ms. Philpot, I have said, "No." Because at school I have been known as Mrs. Fallis for so long parents know who that is. I will just lose the letter R. Maybe that is how I should look at it; I am not losing a title I am losing a letter!

I am excited for summer don't get me wrong. I love sleeping in until 6 AM instead of 5 AM. I am excited to put on my black apron back stage for Tom Sawyer and Little Mermaid. I feel like I am doing something important and that the kids almost need my help. I have a soccer chair that we bought years ago, I have used it for football games now it will become my play mom chair.

I am looking forward to seeing two of my sisters. It will be fun and Kathy and Amy have called the first break down before I even get there which is nice to know I won't be on the spot. I am looking forward to seeing my friend Heidi that I have known forever. Also, excited to show my kids a Liger, at the Hogle Zoo. I hope to see some of my aunts and uncles and take a short trip to Grantsville, to see my grandparents' grave. Katie is excited to leave on Monday to see her cousins, aunts, and grandparents. It is going to be fun for her to be up there a week before the rest of us.

I will tutor a few kids over the summer but please let me know if you know anyone that is going to need tutoring over the summer. I would like to stay busy. Well I am off to spend my first day of break at school. Well at least part of the time. I need to get Tyler to work, Katie from Rebecca's house, and Noelle wants to do something fun today. So now, my most important tile (Mom) will be busy doing what I love, spending time with my kids.

A quick update

It has been a few days since Thursday. I can honestly glad to have that day behind me. Things are back to normal and life goes on. What I mean by that is laundry, grocery shopping, visits to the library, and going to Wal Mart mean your life is normal. Nothing has changed. I am grateful to family and friends who have helped. I am blessed to have you in my life.
On a post script my sisters (yes more than one of you) wanted me to clarify the abuser that I mentioned. This abuse happened at the hands of someone that is not related to me at all. I have been blessed to have good men in my family that have been taught to protect women not hurt them.
Well it is Saturday of a three day weekend which means that I get to enjoy a nap. Thank you for your feedback. Enjoy this weekend. Please take time to remember those who died fighting for our great nation. We in Havasu will hope to not see too many pasties and speedos:)

A New Day

Well tomorrow is D-day, no I am not speaking of Normandy. Tomorrow my divorce will be final. I am now taking ownership of this because I have to. I have thought a lot about tomorrow the last few weeks. I do not know how I am going to feel or even what emotions I should have. I am sad and heartbroken, not because of the divorce but because I could not make my marriage work. You see I am a product of a divorce home and that means my chances of getting a divorce were higher than others. Now my children are going to be in that statistic.

One thing I can say for sure is that my kids are not handling this as bad as I did. When my parent got divorced, I was in fifth grade. I went from a seventh grade reading level to a second grade in a matter of months. Most of my children's friend's parents have no idea because they are acting the same. Their grades have not slipped and they have stayed on the straight and narrow. I have given them more leeway but they have not taken advantage.

There has also been peace and healing at home. We (the kids and I) have come together making our family stronger. This has not been easy, but my loving Bishop asked me to share with them why the divorce was happening. This was tough because it meant looking back into my past that I have tried to stay hidden from my children. When abuse happens of any kind as the victim, you have two choices. The first choice is you can use it as an excuse to hurt other people. The second choice is to move on and remember the Golden Rule. When it comes to abuse, I tried to move forward but it is not always easy. This is not to say that Jason was the abuser. I want to be clear on that! Nevertheless, it did affect our marriage.

These last few months I have learned a few things. Number one, the world does not stop spinning because you are knocked off your axis. I was stunned in February when people were still happy. I could not understand why my world was ending and others had everything they wanted. Number two, a smile goes along way. The comment I have received the most has been, "Flo, I had no idea. Whenever I saw you, you had a smile on." Trust me the smile was not working on the inside but I needed to smile for my own kids and for those parents whose kids I have during the day. Third, the devil is in the details. The small stuff usually breaks the camel's back. Fourth, it is okay to laugh! The day I had to go sign for the papers at the post office was difficult. I did not want to sign for them but when I got in the car, I noticed the postage. It was $6.66, I am not kidding so instead of crying I laughed. Fifth, and most importantly there is an Atonement. We know about Christ suffering for our sins but there is also the masters course of that plan. That course teaches us that He also suffered for our heartache as well.

Moving Forward

Boy a lot can change in a few weeks. In a few weeks, school will be out and many of us will be going on vacation. (I know for some of my Havasu friends the last day is tomorrow but I have a few weeks left) I love summer time because it is time for all teachers to have some much deserved R and R. My teacher friends will veg for a few weeks but then they will be busy planning for next school year. I myself will be packing.
I hate moving I have moved 2 times in 15 years and at the beginning of the school year will be moving again. While the moving part is scary to me, the being on my own is worse. I do not know how to do a lot of stuff. I can teach children the three R's but I do not know how to take a bed apart, reconnect wires to electronics, and basic other stuff. I never learned. I never need to know these things. Every time I have moved, I have packed the majority of the boxes but the other part was Jason's job.
I know another reason I am nervous is finding a place on my own. Again, this has always been a team effort but now I am athletic director and coach. I worry about having saved enough money to move into a new place and being able to live on a tight budget. These are normal worries to most people but I feel very overwhelmed. I know that the actual moving day will not be a problem. I know that I have friends that will take care of the hard labor. I worry about that first night of being in my own place.
I am scared but excited to start on this new adventure. I am sure that I will learn a lot about things I did not know. I am lucky that Tyler and his friends will help because I know they can figure out where all the wires go. I am sad I will lose my house but Tyler keeps reminding me it is not anything more than a house. We will be able to find a new home.
If you know of a good rental let me know. I do not want to spend more than $800.00 a month. I would like to eat and pay for electricity.

A New Chapter

This year has been tough for the Fallis family. We have dealt with a great deal in five short months. I have been contemplating the changes and the effects on the kids. All of our lives are chapters in a book. Some of the chapters are long others are short. Some are happy chapters and some are full of tragedy. I have had both in my life but the chapter that is dated 2011 has been one of happiness and tragedy.
Saturday Noelle checked the mail and there was the paperwork about the final date of my marriage. I was not surprised to get it, just taken back. I cried and thought I was crazy for doing so. I am a big girl and I need to act like an adult. It wasn’t until a friend reminded me that this means this chapter in my life is coming to an end.
Like a book this is a short chapter in this long section of my book. This section has been a happy one full of the births of my three beautiful children who I love more than anything. There has been some sad times but mostly happy. I have enjoyed being married and I am grateful for those experiences. One sad chapter cannot take away that entire section.
You might ask why and to be honest I don’t want to share. It was not because of any wrong doing on either part. The kids are doing well and they haven’t changed their behavior. I am lucky to say that the divorce has been sad but Jason and I have tried to remain civil. I know that sometimes this has been hard but, it has been necessary. I learned a few things from my parents’ divorce and one was the kids are the only people that get hurt when you are mean to each other. One thing I have tried to hold my head high and smile. This has not always been easy but it has been helpful.
I have been extremely blessed to have my education where I can teach. I have also had to rely on our Father in Heaven to help me know what to do. It is hard when the person that you consulted on decisions no longer there.
In the end I want to say this section of the book is not going to need a rewrite. It is fine the way it is. I have been blessed to have been married to someone that completed my bucket list. I wanted to be a mom and a teacher I have been able to do both.
I am looking forward to the new section and chapters in my book. I hope that there is more happiness than sadness. Hopefully there will times of health not sickness. I know one thing that will be in this chapter a mother’s love for her children.

The Fallis 5: I LOVE TO READ

The Fallis 5: I LOVE TO READ

I LOVE TO READ

I finished an amazing book last night, The Hunger Games. I love to read. I don't know if that is a gift that comes with being a teacher or a mom, but I love to read. I loved reading when I was a little girl. Some of my fondest memories is reading with my Grandma Philpot. She was a reader too. When she died there had to be a ton of boxes full of books. She would always get me books from Deseret Books because she received a discount there. She loved historical fiction and I wonder if that is where my love of historical fiction came from. I often get asked, "Mrs. Fallis what book would you recommend for my child?" So I thought I should make a list. Please note that these are my favorite books, just because I like them does not mean your children or you will like them. Kindergarten Books: Margaret Hillert books are great because they have sight words in them. She uses those words most of the time. What are sight words, words that we see in writing most of the time. These might also be known as most common words. I also love the Biscuit books (Biscuit is a cute dog) First Grade: Depending on if you have a fluent reader or a reader that is still sounding out most words this list will change. I love the Henry and Mudge Books, there is nothing like an adventure with a dog that doesn't die. Too many dog books come to an unhappy ending. Clifford is another series that is good for this age child. I also love the James Marshall Fox books and Three by the Sea series. They are funny and Fox is a goofy character that doesn't like his little sister hanging around all the time and kids can relate to that. Second Grade: Robert Munsch books, NOT I LOVE YOU FOREVER. I don't want to read a book that I will cry in every time I read it. My favorite book from him is Andrew's Loose Tooth. This is a pee your pants funny book. I also love for chapter books The Magic Tree House series and Horrible Harry series. I like to read the Junie B. Jones books aloud but I don't like her improper use of grammar. The problem is most of the kids that like those books don't understand what she is saying is wrong. Third Grade: Tomie de Paola, Noelle has recently discovered him and loves him. I like that a lot of his books are about his family. I love Grandma Upstairs and Grandma Downstairs. I also like the Time Warp Trio books and Jake Maddox. Jake is into all the cool things like dirt bike riding, skateboarding, and race car driving to name a few. For girls the Airy Fairy books are very cute and so are the Fashion Kitty books. Fashion Kitty books are graphic novels just for those of you who don't like those kinds of books. For 4-8 grade kids I think Lois Lowry is terrific, I think kids should read the Giver at least three times in their life. One in 6th or 7th grade, one as a SR. and then one as a parent. It will speak to you differently each time. I love Roald Dahl because he has a great imagination and kids need to use their imagination more. Harry Potter is a must at this age. Most girls will want to read the Twilight books but book four is way too mature for this group. (Remember this is my opinion so if you've let your daughter or son read them that is your right.) 9-12 I think you should go back to some of the classics, Jane Eyre, The Scarlet Letter, The Count of Monte Cristo, and of course To Kill a Mocking Bird. Here are my ideas and views.

2011

I have been thinking a lot about this post. I don't really care for New Year's Resolutions because by my birthday I have not completed one resolution. Not even close. This year as I thought about goals I was reminded of a story about Benjamin Franklin. We know that Benjamin Franklin few a kite and was struck by lightning. Some of us might know that he was one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Others might know that he was a goal keeper. Most of us are goal setters but we don't keep them. Well, Benjamin did. He wrote down thirteen values he wanted to have in his life and did what he needed to do to make them present in his everyday life. I read a story that he would write down a goal and keep it in his shirt pocket for 28 days because then it would become a habit. He didn't work on all of his goals at one. This might be the key.

So I have decided that I will come up with 13 things that I need to work on and work on them one at a time. Then after I master 1 in 28 days I can move on to the next and keep 13 by then end of 2011. Well now comes the hard part picking 13 things I need to work on. We all know I am like Mary Poppins, "Practically perfect in every way."

First: Faith. I need to go back to the basics and pray and study scriptures with my whole heart. I need to not have a causual relationship with our Father in Heaven I need to have a Father Daughter realationship. I need to not wait until I am in the life boat to really plead with him.

For my first and second 28 days it will be to get back on the horse. WORK OUT!!! I did this pretty successfully in 2010 but I need to master this first.

Third : Make time for momma. Ladies this is tough. Somedays spending 2 minutes in the bathroom going potty is a good thing. I am going to do what I love doing read! The best book I read in 2010 was The Help by Kathryn Stockett if you haven't read it I would get to the library ASAP. I need to show my children my passion for learning.

Fourth: Keep a journal. Once a week update my blog or FB because this is a modern day journal.

Fifth: Don't sweat the small stuff! IF things aren't as perfect as they should be things will still work out. I am a mom that works two jobs and Jason has three. There are going to be days that dishes are still in the sink. Don't get the scream machine out. (That is Jason's pet name for my voice)

Sixth: Love harder, do I share those feelings of love I have enough? To spell LOVE with kids it is TIME. I need to spend more one on one time with my kids expecially Tyler and Katie.

Seventh: Get organized, I am organized to a fault at school. What do I mean, don't touch my desk. Things are at a 90 degree angle and in the proper place. Don't move books on the selves or have desks not in a row because I can't function. At home this is the opposite my closest is a wreck. I need to spend one month doing some heavy cleaning and organizing. When we are organized we more effective people.

Eighth: Keep up with what needs to be done. The reason I hate ironing is that I wait until I have 30 shirts to do. If I spent an hour a week doing ironing it would be done and caught up. I don't like putting grades in the computer if it takes more than an hour. I hate separating papers after two weeks. Why because I am always playing catch up. I need to stop playing catch up and just get caught up.

Ninth: I guess I need to come up with four more goals. I guess if you are like Mary Poppins you really only need eight goals a year.

I hope that my family and friends have a wonderful new year!